{Alive in Christ}

Exactly one year ago, I attended a Christian conference in Atlanta called Passion. It was an extremely eye-opening experience for me and God showed me a lot in four days that I will never forget. So here I am once again, January, the beginning of the new year of 2012, and I just got home yesterday from this same conference. It was once again life-changing, and I want to tell you all a little bit {but knowing me it will probably turn into a lot} about my experience this year, and what God showed me these past four days in Atlanta at the Georgia Dome with 45,000 other college students.


First, before I start telling you what happened the past four days, let me tell you what occured the days preceeding Passion. Lately, I have been asking God a lot to show me what love truly is. Last year at Passion I really felt the complete love of Christ in my heart, but there's a difference between feeling something and knowing it. I wanted to know it. I had also been asking God to do some major work within my heart, I didn't really know what specifically that would intell, but I knew something needed to be done. I feel as though this summer and first semester at school I had lost some of the passion that I had previously in my life. I felt just a little dry, and in need of some major refreshment from Christ in my heart and soul and life.


1. I realized how weak my worship has been. God is powerful, sovereign, almighty, and His strength, compassion, forgiveness and love NEVER run out, and yet I barely give Him the time of day when it comes to worshiping Him for all His goodness and faithfulness and love. Most importantly, He brought me back to life when I was dead in my sin. The most reasonable response to that would be to give Him my life that He raised, and yet I've been doing a lazy job of trying to do what's expected of me as a Christian, not always with the heart that should be its motivation. As I stood there during worship the first night of Passion, I truly began to worship Him with all of my heart, letting go of everything else that existed but Him. It was then that He showed me, "This is what you're missing as My follower, as My daughter. You don't give me your all everyday." That began a grueling, necessary, conviction process for the week.


2. There's a line in the song "How He Loves" that says, "Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart beats violently inside of my chest." I've always wanted to be so in love with Jesus that my heartbeat speeds up and I get butterflies when I spend time with Him. It happened. I finally felt what it feels like to be really in love with Jesus. I can't remember what song I was singing, who was speaking, or what day it was, but I fell in love with Jesus this week, and it's never going to fade away. God showed me that love isn't found in a marriage or in a feeling inside of you. Those are simply ways that God expresses His love for us and gives us a picture through those things of what His love looks like. Love is innocence and perfection dying on a cross for my filth. Love is forgetting that the world thinks He's insane in order that He may raise me back to life while I was completely dead in my sin. Love is that even when I fail, and do things that break His heart, He chooses to love me anyway. Love isn't a picture of a heart drawn by a little kid, or a piece on candy someone gives you on February 14th. Love is Christ crucified for the sins of the world and for the glory of God.


3. Actions speak louder than words. I've been using that phrase as an excuse to keep quiet about God my entire life. Using that as an excuse to simply listen to others when the topic of God came up in conversation, even though I had a ton floating around in my mind I could have said. I've used it as an excuse that my "living out the gospel" instead of speaking it would work just as fine to fulfill the Great Commission. God gave me a holy slap in the face this week. The Great Commission is not about going and hoping that your good deeds will shine brightly enough that people will know exactly why you act that way without any words being involved. The Great Commission is about going and making disciples. Romans 10:14 says,

 "...how are the to believe in whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?"

 The answer is that they can't. God calls us as Christians to PREACH the gospel, not only to live it. The preaching and the living have to go together, and it won't be effective with only one or the other. 


4. As Lecrae was rapping in worship on Wednesday night, he mentioned Romans 1:16,

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel..."

 With a broken heart I realized that every time

     "God doesn't call us as Christians to live comfortably, but to step out in faith everyday to do things for HIS KINGDOM and for HIS GOSPEL that are OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE. Our lives should be used for HIS GLORY, not our comfort."

I made a list of New Year's resolutions, they're all good and I plan on working on them. But now I have a life resolution: that I will fearlessly proclaim the gospel through my life in EVERYTHING I SAY and DO. That the only life people see when they look at me is Jesus, and that my life will bring glory to the name of Jesus. Elisabeth Elliot summed it up best in this quote: "I have one desire now- to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it."

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for You; Your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts."

{Isaiah 26:8}

268generation.com

{Old & New}

2011 is quickly coming to an end. With a new year approaching, there is so much to look forward to: resolutions, getting back into a routine, a fresh start, etc. No matter what you're looking forward to, there is one word that always comes to mind when I think of a new year--new. But what about the old? Everyone spends so much time looking forward to what is ahead, that they never seem to take time to reflect on what has happened over the past year. What about the old year? What about the memories made, the events that took place, the people you met, the ways that you've changed? Before I think about a new year, I want to look at the old year...what happened this year that will make 2011 memorable for the rest of my life?

The year 2011, for me, began with my attending a Worship conference in Atlanta called Passion. During the first four days of the year that I was at this conference, my life changed. Not necessarily in a dramatic way, but more subtly in the way that God changed my heart during those four days. God showed me that He did indeed love me, a sinner, and He began to give me, for the first time, a little glimpse of just how BIG His love for me really is. It was then that I finally realized that I couldn't keep up running away from His love, and that no matter where else I looked for a love like His, I would be satisfied with none of it until I first found it in Him alone. With a new heart, I headed home to finish my senior year of high school. But with this new heart had to come a new way of thinking, which I struggled with (and still often do) developing. For the next 6 months I struggled with the same things I had in 2010, and I often questioned God why it was so difficult to change my head knowledge with what my new heart knowledge was.

In May, I graduated from high school. It was a feeling of relief and accomplishment all at once, and looking back on the past 12 years of my life as a student was an interesting experience. I had picked a college and a major, and felt confident that it was where God was calling me to be. I struggled on and off throughout the summer whether it really was God's plans for me to go to school, or whether He wanted me to go straight into dancing. I know now that college was absolutely His plan, and I'm so thankful that I listened to Him.

Summer came and I took a babysitting job twice a week for a family that I had been babysitting for throughout the year. Mondays and Wednesdays I would get up and go to their house and get to play with their two children, ages 7 and 9, for hours, and then I'd go home, or go to dance, or go do things with friends. I didn't really realize it at the time, but God was teaching me a lot through those kids. He taught me a lot of patience, but He also taught me that love comes in all sorts of ways, and that the love of a child is so much different than any other kind of love. I always knew that one day, when I get married and decide to start a family, that I wanted a few kids, but it was this past summer that God showed me how much I really love children, and that if He decides to give me more than a few (say maybe five or six) I'd be perfectly content with a larger family than the one I had always imagined or experienced growing up in a family with only three children. He taught me a lot about the faith of a child during that time too. He tells us in His Word that we're to have a childlike faith, and I never really understood what that meant. But, spending so much time with kids, I began to understand a little more that having a childlike faith means to trust in the Lord without knowing all the details; not to just put part of your trust in Him, but to fully and completely hand anything and everything over with the full confidence that He has it under His control.

On August 18th, I packed up the majority of my belongings, and headed off to college at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi. My mom wasn't too thrilled me moving 6.5 hours away from home, but after months of no luck, she eventually gave up trying to talk me out of it. I'm not going to lie, I was very excited about moving on to the next stage of my life, but I was super nervous. I didn't know anyone else going to the school, and I only knew one person that lived in Jackson, but God knew what He was doing with me, and I had to keep reminding myself to have faith that He did. Looking over the past four months, I see God's will all over it. Every person I've met, everyone experience I've been through, every place that I've gone, every struggle I've dealt with, all of it has been His will and His presence has been there throughout it all. I've made some friends that I know will be around for the rest of my life, and one boy in particular that has been such a blessing.

I wanted nothing to do with a relationship my freshman year, especially not my first semester, and God knew that full well, but He decided to disregard my thoughts on the subject. The second day I was at school I met a boy through a mutual friend I had met a the day before. He seemed like a nice guy and we both kind of fell into the same group of friends who would hang out all the time. Over time we both started to like each other and God took it over from there. Neither one of us wanted to have any sort of relationship besides being friends this first semester, but God had other plans, and I'm so thankful that He did. I have learned so much from this relationship that I can't even begin to get my thoughts together to think of the things individually, but I have, and I know for that reason that it's been God's will for me.

I was homeschooled all my life until August came around, and so school was one thing I was worrying about before I left for Jackson. But, through some struggles, I managed to make good grades, as well as the Dean's list my first semester. Dance classes in college have been somewhat different than what I've been used to all my life, with taking tests and quizzes and having evaluations, but I have also learned and grown so much through this as well, that I know it's making me a better person and dancer in the long run.

So that has pretty much been my 2011, now on to think about 2012, a  brand new year with lots to look forward to! I recently saw the movie New Year's Eve in theaters. It was what I expected: a bunch of celebrities, some comedy, some romance, overall pretty predictable and cheesy. But at one part during the movie, Hilary Swank's character gives a speech when the New Year's Eve ball gets stuck on it's way up. She says,

"{The ball is} suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that is what New Year's is all about - getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. To stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

The "all year long" part is something I think most people forget about. People get out their pens and paper on New Year's Eve, sit down and begin to make a list of things they resolve to do better in the coming year. However, the majority of people can't make it past Valentine's Day in keeping these resolutions. A new year is about a fresh start, but that start should just be the beginning of living an entirely different way, the way that you have decided on that piece of paper that you want to start living.

Reflect the the things that have changed you and made you into a better person, the things that you have learned and the things that you have been through. Then think about all the difficulties, struggles, and bad days that you had in 2011, think about them once, and then throw them out. Move on. As everyone is eating cookies and blowing horns, wearing sparkles and kissing people at 12 o'clock, allow this time to think about all the possibilities of a new year, and think about the person you want to become, the person who God created you to be, and become that. It won't be easy, it may possibly be the most difficult thing you've decided to do in your life, but you won't be doing it alone, and you won't be doing most of it. Let this year be a time that God works in your life and in your heart, and allow Him to change, shape, and mold you into the beautiful creation you were meant to be. You will still fail and mess up sometimes, but that's what God's grace is for, and He is standing there waiting to forgive you of all of the past and future sins that are and will be in your life. Let Him make you new.



{Passionate}

I have finished my first semester of college. Goodness, how time truly does fly! It seems like yesterday that I was dancing at my studio in LaGrange and going to Starbucks everyday this summer. But time has passed, and I have changed. Some alterations have been beautiful blessings, while others, I am realizing, have been changes to the person that I was, the person that God created me to be, that I have lost. One major thing being passion.

I used to be a passionate person. I still am, I like to believe. But my passion has shifted and squirmed around changing where it is directed. Now, I am passionate about life in general. I like to enjoy everyday, and I almost always do. But I seem to have lost my passion for things that I loved, with all of my heart, before. I have lost my passion for dancing, for people, and for a life lived for Jesus. Now, I haven't LOST IT lost it, I've simply misplaced it for a time. Looking back on this semester, I can so clearly see the dance classes where I did not give everything I had; where I was lazy, and did not try my hardest for the glory of God. I see how I have bypassed relationships with some people that could have been an influence or an encouragement to them. I see the days I fell asleep while praying, simply skimmed through a chapter in the Bible for my Bible time, and was thinking about what I was going to eat for lunch or what I needed to study that day during church.

I see and remember these moments-- these weaknesses and missed opportunities, and I miss my passion. I miss it, and I long, I desire, I YEARN to have it back and claim it as part of myself once again.

Monday Music

I'm sipping a chai tea latte while I write this, and I made an A on my math final this morning. My Monday is beginning pretty well I'd say. This is my last week of dance at my studio here in LaGrange; our recital is tomorrow, senior dinner is on Thursday, and competition is on Sunday, after that all I'm doing is summer classes and then I'll be off to college in August beginning a new start on dance. Anyway, here's some music for your Monday.
-taye

I am not really a big country music fan, but I do love two country groups/artists: Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum. This is Lady A's newest song.

(Song starts at 18 seconds)

This song is really ringing true this weekend and the start of this week. I'm continually realizing my incredible need for Christ, as well as my need for prayer and time in the Word. I can clearly see the difference in my life, the way I speak and act toward others, when I am and when I am not consistantly doing these things and getting that time with God that is oh so necessary and vital to my life.

"When I cannot stand I'll fall on You"

We sing this one every now and then at Encounter (my church's contemporary service) it's repetetive, but passionate. I cannot help but cry out to the Lord sometimes to just fill me up with Himself, so that my life will look less like me and more like Him.

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

Philippians 1:21

Monday Music

I really need to write a legit post sometime soon. I'll get on that this week. Here's some music for your Monday!
-taye

New favorite song

"I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will."

Passion :)

Last week was a Taylor Swift week. I cannot wait until July 10th!

Monday Music

I love Tenth Avenue North, and "Times" is definitely one of my favorites . . . it's such a great reminder of God's unconditional love for us

Florence + the Machine has such an intense feel . . . one of my contemporary pieces for recital this year is to this song

Christy Nockels’ voice is so so so beautiful. Plus I love this song from Passion.

Monday Music

Today I'm resting in God's faithfulness, I've just kind of been struggling with having continuous joy this weekend and especially today. But He is faithful, even when I am so unfaithful. I'm resting in His promises. Here is some music for your Monday!
-taye

I love Debussy.

Listening to this song takes my mind back to January when I was at Passion . . .

I cannot wait until Passion 2012!

I love Taylor Swift . . . plus she has a pretty cool name.