{The Mishap of Marriage}

Tonight I went with a friend to go see the new movie Hope Springs. It's about an older couple who has been married for thirty-one years and their marriage has slowly lost its spark. They go to a couples' therapist in Maine to try and regain the marriage they once had. Sounds like a good story, right? However, I am filled with disappointment and anger after wasting nearly $10 to see it (plus being the only people under the age of 65 in the movie theater was a little embarrassing as well, haha).

It made me so angry to see how some people simply put their marriage on the back burner and let the love that brought them together die away in a slow, painful death. It also angered me to realize what the world believes a good marriage to be.

The world always sees divorce as a backup option. Divorce should never be an option. 1 Corinthians 7:11 says, "...and the husband should not divorce his wife." Always seeing divorce as a means of escaping means that going into it, the couple isn't 100% fully committed from the very start. Now, I know that I'm not married, although I hope to be someday, so don't assume that I think I know it all by stating my opinions on these things, I know there are many things about marriage that I'll only learn once I'm immersed in my own. But, marriage is a HUGE commitment, and it should be viewed as such. The world today doesn't view marriage as the sacred covenant that it was created to be. God created marriage first between Adam and Eve when he first created them. He also gave them each special, specific roles to play within the relationship.

Let's talk about these roles for a moment. Going through the Scriptures, there are things God commands a husband to be for his wife, as well as a wife to be for her husband.

Husband:

• Understanding of his wife(1 Peter 3:7)
• Honoring to his wife (1 Peter 3:7)
• Loving, not harsh toward his wife(Colossians 3:19)
• Love his wife as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:33)
• Spiritual head of the wife and family (Ephesians 5:23)
• Held responsible to God, or God is the head of the husband (1 Corinthians 11:3)
• Praising of his wife (Proverbs 31:28)
• Trust his wife (Proverbs 31:11)

Wife:

• Respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33)
• Should not separate from her husband (1 Corinthians 7:10)
• Does her husband good, not harm (Proverbs 31:12)
• Strong (Proverbs 31:17)
• Speaks with wisdom (Proverbs 31:26)
• Kind (Proverbs 31:26)
• Fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:30)
• Gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)
• Submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22)

The world seems to disregard every one of these things when entering into, and participating in a marriage. The wife is no longer submissive, but tries so often to be better than her husband and controlling of her family. The husband is no longer the spiritually head of the wife and family, but pours himself into making work his life and coming home to lazily sit around watching sports on TV, while steering clear of having anything to do with the lives of his children.

Another thing that I realized from this movie was that of the topic of sex. The world today makes it seem as though sex is the most important thing in a relationship, and the problem is they take that same outlook into marriage. First off, sex shouldn't even be a part of the relationship UNTIL you get married, in that case, THEN once you're married, you approach the subject of sex together. However, with the world bringing sex into the relationship so prematurely, it brings more problems into the marriage. Yes, sex is a major part of being married, but there's so much more to marriage than just sex. There's love. There's support. There's encouragement. There's the fact that no matter what you encounter in life, no matter what God brings you to, that you're not alone in anything, not anymore. You have someone there by your side every step of the way, someone to talk and pray through major decisions with, someone to enjoy the simple little moments with, someone to have beautiful children who are all your own with, someone to raise those children to be the godly children of God that they can be, and someone to go through the ups and downs of life with. That's what being married is all about, and yes, of course there is sex. But more importantly, marriage is an earthly picture of the selfless love that Christ has for us. It's also about learning how to love another person like that, which is not easy, but consists of constant work. But it's work that's worth it, no matter what you have to deal with. This is what the world is missing out on because they're too busy trying to please themselves, trying to satisfy an insatiable desire to make yourself happy with whatever the heart desires. But that will never satisfy, and its why so many marriages end in divorce.

The last thing that so many marriages lack today is Christ. Now, you may think that by me saying that means that I believe the only marriages that work are the ones between two Christians. Well, forgive me if I step on any toes here, but yes. I believe that the only marriage that works as it was intended to is that between two Christians. That doesn't mean that every marriage that has a non-believer in it is destined to fail and end in divorce, but that does mean that those marriages aren't working as marriage was created to work. The marriage that works is that where the couple prays together, goes to church together, worships together, talks about God and spiritual matters together. The couple that raises their children in the ways of Christ. The couple that is going to strive to love one another as Christ loves each of them, and is also going to forgive each other frequently, knowing that they and their spouse are both sinners, saved only by the grace of God. The couple whose marriage is going to work as it was intended is the couple who realizes that nothing good is in them on their own, but that their only ability to love one another comes solely from Christ and what He did for each of them on the cross.

{Bumfuzzlement}

There are some moments (well, a lot of moments) that I become completely bumfuzzled about something that God shows me. Today was one of those days. I was reading in 1 Peter and I came across verse 8 in chapter 1.

"Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory."

At first, that verse did not really make me think twice. There are similar phrases to that in other passages throughout scripture:

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." [1 John 4:12, ESV]

"...For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." [1 John 4:20, ESV]

However, I thought about it for a few minutes and my thoughts began to jumble. The majority of the world, myself included, thinks of the physical stuff when they think of love. Yes, they might think of good conversation, plenty of laughter, or someone who thinks similarly, but ultimately the physical crosses the mind. A long hug, holding hands, kissing, and sex. It's natural, and it's part of what earthly love and the relationship of marriage means, but God never mentions the physical in regards to His loving us. In fact there are several verses, as I've pointed out, that remind us that we cannot even see God, much less touch Him. The only physical act of love that Christ did for us what His death on the cross. Yet in regards to the physical between human beings there is a ton in the Bible. Hosea, Song of Solomon, Paul's talk about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and there are a number more. Sexual immorality is discussed as a major sin throughout the New Testament, and it is surely a major sin today as well. Why then, if God knew that it was going to be such a temptation and means of sinfulness did He create the physical aspect of love for us as humans? God is perfect love and we do not have that means of physical contact with Him. Why then do we have it in our earthly love relationships? I do not have the answer. That is why my thoughts are so jumbled. It hit me as one of those things I will never truly understand until I see God face to face.

{Old & New}

2011 is quickly coming to an end. With a new year approaching, there is so much to look forward to: resolutions, getting back into a routine, a fresh start, etc. No matter what you're looking forward to, there is one word that always comes to mind when I think of a new year--new. But what about the old? Everyone spends so much time looking forward to what is ahead, that they never seem to take time to reflect on what has happened over the past year. What about the old year? What about the memories made, the events that took place, the people you met, the ways that you've changed? Before I think about a new year, I want to look at the old year...what happened this year that will make 2011 memorable for the rest of my life?

The year 2011, for me, began with my attending a Worship conference in Atlanta called Passion. During the first four days of the year that I was at this conference, my life changed. Not necessarily in a dramatic way, but more subtly in the way that God changed my heart during those four days. God showed me that He did indeed love me, a sinner, and He began to give me, for the first time, a little glimpse of just how BIG His love for me really is. It was then that I finally realized that I couldn't keep up running away from His love, and that no matter where else I looked for a love like His, I would be satisfied with none of it until I first found it in Him alone. With a new heart, I headed home to finish my senior year of high school. But with this new heart had to come a new way of thinking, which I struggled with (and still often do) developing. For the next 6 months I struggled with the same things I had in 2010, and I often questioned God why it was so difficult to change my head knowledge with what my new heart knowledge was.

In May, I graduated from high school. It was a feeling of relief and accomplishment all at once, and looking back on the past 12 years of my life as a student was an interesting experience. I had picked a college and a major, and felt confident that it was where God was calling me to be. I struggled on and off throughout the summer whether it really was God's plans for me to go to school, or whether He wanted me to go straight into dancing. I know now that college was absolutely His plan, and I'm so thankful that I listened to Him.

Summer came and I took a babysitting job twice a week for a family that I had been babysitting for throughout the year. Mondays and Wednesdays I would get up and go to their house and get to play with their two children, ages 7 and 9, for hours, and then I'd go home, or go to dance, or go do things with friends. I didn't really realize it at the time, but God was teaching me a lot through those kids. He taught me a lot of patience, but He also taught me that love comes in all sorts of ways, and that the love of a child is so much different than any other kind of love. I always knew that one day, when I get married and decide to start a family, that I wanted a few kids, but it was this past summer that God showed me how much I really love children, and that if He decides to give me more than a few (say maybe five or six) I'd be perfectly content with a larger family than the one I had always imagined or experienced growing up in a family with only three children. He taught me a lot about the faith of a child during that time too. He tells us in His Word that we're to have a childlike faith, and I never really understood what that meant. But, spending so much time with kids, I began to understand a little more that having a childlike faith means to trust in the Lord without knowing all the details; not to just put part of your trust in Him, but to fully and completely hand anything and everything over with the full confidence that He has it under His control.

On August 18th, I packed up the majority of my belongings, and headed off to college at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi. My mom wasn't too thrilled me moving 6.5 hours away from home, but after months of no luck, she eventually gave up trying to talk me out of it. I'm not going to lie, I was very excited about moving on to the next stage of my life, but I was super nervous. I didn't know anyone else going to the school, and I only knew one person that lived in Jackson, but God knew what He was doing with me, and I had to keep reminding myself to have faith that He did. Looking over the past four months, I see God's will all over it. Every person I've met, everyone experience I've been through, every place that I've gone, every struggle I've dealt with, all of it has been His will and His presence has been there throughout it all. I've made some friends that I know will be around for the rest of my life, and one boy in particular that has been such a blessing.

I wanted nothing to do with a relationship my freshman year, especially not my first semester, and God knew that full well, but He decided to disregard my thoughts on the subject. The second day I was at school I met a boy through a mutual friend I had met a the day before. He seemed like a nice guy and we both kind of fell into the same group of friends who would hang out all the time. Over time we both started to like each other and God took it over from there. Neither one of us wanted to have any sort of relationship besides being friends this first semester, but God had other plans, and I'm so thankful that He did. I have learned so much from this relationship that I can't even begin to get my thoughts together to think of the things individually, but I have, and I know for that reason that it's been God's will for me.

I was homeschooled all my life until August came around, and so school was one thing I was worrying about before I left for Jackson. But, through some struggles, I managed to make good grades, as well as the Dean's list my first semester. Dance classes in college have been somewhat different than what I've been used to all my life, with taking tests and quizzes and having evaluations, but I have also learned and grown so much through this as well, that I know it's making me a better person and dancer in the long run.

So that has pretty much been my 2011, now on to think about 2012, a  brand new year with lots to look forward to! I recently saw the movie New Year's Eve in theaters. It was what I expected: a bunch of celebrities, some comedy, some romance, overall pretty predictable and cheesy. But at one part during the movie, Hilary Swank's character gives a speech when the New Year's Eve ball gets stuck on it's way up. She says,

"{The ball is} suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that is what New Year's is all about - getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. To stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

The "all year long" part is something I think most people forget about. People get out their pens and paper on New Year's Eve, sit down and begin to make a list of things they resolve to do better in the coming year. However, the majority of people can't make it past Valentine's Day in keeping these resolutions. A new year is about a fresh start, but that start should just be the beginning of living an entirely different way, the way that you have decided on that piece of paper that you want to start living.

Reflect the the things that have changed you and made you into a better person, the things that you have learned and the things that you have been through. Then think about all the difficulties, struggles, and bad days that you had in 2011, think about them once, and then throw them out. Move on. As everyone is eating cookies and blowing horns, wearing sparkles and kissing people at 12 o'clock, allow this time to think about all the possibilities of a new year, and think about the person you want to become, the person who God created you to be, and become that. It won't be easy, it may possibly be the most difficult thing you've decided to do in your life, but you won't be doing it alone, and you won't be doing most of it. Let this year be a time that God works in your life and in your heart, and allow Him to change, shape, and mold you into the beautiful creation you were meant to be. You will still fail and mess up sometimes, but that's what God's grace is for, and He is standing there waiting to forgive you of all of the past and future sins that are and will be in your life. Let Him make you new.



{Love Came Down At Christmastime}

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that your day has been filled with blessings, fellowship, good food, fun, and most of all, Christ! These are some things I've been thinking about a lot this week...hope you enjoy thinking about it as well!

What is love? Love is not the fickleness that the world is constantly telling us. It’s not a word that should be meagerly thrown around like it has no meaning. Love is not sex, making out, hooking up, or holding hands. Love is not simply being married to someone. Love is not that warm, fuzzy, butterfly feeling you get when you’re with a certain person. Love is not living with someone. Love is not something that happens when your eyes meet. Love is not a struggle; it’s what holds you together when struggles arise. Love is not selfish, conceited, or hurtful.  Love is not insistent upon winning. Love does not focus merely on the present. Love is not something that makes you sad. If love is not any of these things, then what is it?

Love, I’m learning, is not about the temporary, but the eternal. It doesn’t focus solely on the present, but thinks often on the future. Love is realizing that another person’s life is more significant than your own—that you would willingly give your own life in order for that other person to live, if need be. Love is when you desire to forfeit your own personal happiness if, in doing so you could bring an ounce of joy to another person. Love is, when during a fight with someone, you already start thinking of your apology. Love is when you see yourself with one person when you imagine every night for the rest of your life.  Love is selfless. Love is encouraging. Love makes you smile so big that nothing could wipe that smile off your face. Love is perfectly content to walk hand-in-hand with one person for the rest of your life. Love is boundless. Love is freeing. Love gives you a sense of security and vulnerability all at once. Love is faithful, and love is hopeful. Love is pointing another person’s focus in the right direction at all times, even if that direction isn’t what will make you happy. Love can handle anything with some work, and love endures all things.

There are millions of examples of “love” stories all over the world. I know this from experience of “loving” (no pun intended) them throughout my childhood, and even now. There are Disney Princesses who always end of getting swept out of a sticky situation at the last minute by Prince Charming.  There are tons of romantic comedies that come out in movie theaters every month where an unsuspecting couple falls in “love” only to allow some minor misunderstanding to separate them for a time, only to fall back in “love”. There are fairytales galore where a young maiden finds herself in some sort of distress and a knight in shining armor (why is his armor always so shiny anyway?) rides in on a white horse to save her. Then there are numerous copies of sketchy romance novels with Fabio on the covers thrown about on bookstore shelves.  

But the truest, most pure and perfect example of love is told in the true story of one man, born as a miracle one starry night many years ago. Though the tale is so familiar to me, and so many others I know, it never gets old because it’s the reason I am alive today, and the reason I have freedom and forgiveness. Jesus (which means “God with us”) was born of a young (probably around 12 or 13 years-old) girl named Mary. Now Mary, being so young, was still a virgin. How did she have a child then, you ask? The power of the Holy Spirit came upon her and conceived the baby within her (I wonder if Mary felt that?). Nine months later, Mary and her fiancé Joseph start a journey to a small town called Bethlehem to register with the Census that was taking place all over the land. While they were there, it came time for Mary to give birth to her son, except there was one problem: there was no room left for them to stay anywhere. Finally, the found shelter in the stable (kind of like a screened-in porch without the screen used for holding animals) off of someone’s house. The miracle baby was born, but this wasn’t just an ordinary baby. Apart from his being conceived by the Holy Spirit, this baby had a huge future planned for Him. He was to be a King and a Redeemer for all the people of the world. Shepherds and Wise Men from far away came to see this baby to bring Him gifts and worship Him, for they knew what He was to become.

Thirty years later, this miracle child became a man and began His ministry. He had the power to heal people and to perform miracles. He turned water into wine, and fed thousands with only a little food. He made the blind see, the mute speak, the deaf hear, and the sick healthy. But the religious group, called the Pharisees, didn’t like Him attracted so much attention away from them, so they began a plot to kill the man. The even got one of Jesus’ followers to get in with the plot and help them get to Him. So the Pharisees meet Him in a garden one night during a festival called the Passover, and they arrest Him. Then the people judge to have Him crucified a typical punishment for major criminals. So He was whipped and beaten, then hung on a cross to die. He was placed next to two thieves, who joined the crowds in mocking Him. After His death, many more miracles occur, but the biggest miracle of all came exactly three days after He died. You remember Mary, His mother, from the beginning of this story? Well her and her friend Mary (yes, there are two Mary’s, try not to be confused) go to the tomb where He was laid, only to find that the giant stone which had been closing the grave, had been rolled back. Confused, the other Mary leaves, while Jesus’ mother Mary begins to cry in the garden outside the tomb. A “gardener” approaches her only to be Jesus Himself. Jesus had been raised to life!

How is true love exemplified in this story? Well, although Jesus was a completely innocent man (for he had done nothing but simply irritate the Pharisees, which is not a crime), he died a horrific death upon a cross, but He didn’t die in vain. Jesus died that death upon the cross for two reasons—one: to glorify God through His resurrection three days later, which He couldn’t do without having first died. And two: to bring life to every sinner (which is every human being) who will believe in His death and resurrection as well as commit their life to proclaiming the story and following the Father God. He did this out of self-sacrificial love for the entire world. There was nothing in it for Him; in fact, He had to endure many horrible things in order that we could have life and joy eternally. Jesus love was selfless, eternally focused, bringing happiness not to Him, but to the people whom He loved. His love endures all things, because He died once for all, and never has to die again. He loved us—you and me that much, but the question is, do we love Him back?

{thankful}

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever."

{Psalm 136:1}

   Today is Thanksgiving. A day which a lot of people see as the start of America, or simply just a day to eat a lot of food and not feel bad about it. Thanksgiving, today, is also so often just skimmed over; seen as just a small stepping stone between Halloween and Christmas. But Thanksgiving should be so much more than that, it should be a day that we actually give thanks, not just spend all day in the kitchen or watching football.

   Thanks. What does that word mean, anyway? Webster's 1828 dictionary defines the word as an "expression of gratitude." but what does the Bible say about thanks?

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples!"

{1 Chronicles 16:8}

"And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, 'For He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.' And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord had been laid."

{Ezra 3:11}

"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to His righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."

{Psalm 7:17}

"In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to Your name forever."

{Psalm 44:8}

 "But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers, as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for one another is increasing."

{2 Thessalonians 1:3}

So there is a little bit of what God's Word says about thankfulness...that we are to give thanks to God, specifically because of all He has done for us and because His steadfast love endures forever. Today, in the festivities of Thanksgiving, I have been thinking about all that has changed and all the blessings God has placed in my life this semester, and so many things began filling my mind. 

What am I thankful for?...

Life. I have come to realize that the only reason I stand breathing today is because of Christ. Lately, I have been reading through Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. I'm still in Philippians right now, but Paul hits the nail on the head a lot for me in this book. He really understood that the meaning and purpose of his life was not to pursue and satisfy the desires of his flesh, but to be transformed and seek out the desires of the Spirit.

  "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again. Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ..." {Philippians 1:21-27}

I long so much to live like Paul, or at least to grasp the gravity of my life as he did.

Grace & Patience. Lately, especially being at home for Thanksgiving break, I see my failures oh so clearly. The past few days, I have had the riddle of Romans resounding in my brains. "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." {Romans 7:15-25} Sometimes I am not quite sure how, or why, God deals with me. His unending patience and overflow of extended grace bewilders me, and my mind cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of His love for me, His child, yet a sinner. That always brings to mind a line from my favorite hymn (How Deep the Father's Love for Us), "How deep the Father's love for us/how vast beyond all measure/that He would give His only Son/to make a wretch His treasure"

Family. I understand why God does not allow us to choose for ourselves who our family will be. We would probably choose some semi-normal people, who would provide for us, but ultimately be boring. My family is not, by any means, boring. I love my family...every member. I have a slightly different love and appreciation for each one of them.

   For my dad, I appreciate the sacrifices I know he has had to make in his life to provide for his family. I appreciate the things he has taught me. How he has taught me how to check my car's oil; to spend my money wisely; and every bit of sarcasm that comes out of my mouth, I learned from him.

   For my mom, I appreciate the things she has taught me, and her overwhelming care for me and my siblings. The recipes she has taught me to cook, the clothes she has taught me to wash, and the manners and respect she has taught me to hold.

   For my sister, I appreciate (now) the room we shared for so many years, and the times she yelled at me to clean my room (although I guess it did not stick too much). Also, the lessons and things she taught me about boys and clothes, the chick-flicks we've watched together, and the craziness that she has brought to my life through many nights of dancing and singing in our once-shared room.

   For my brother, he has taught me a lot. A lot of patience, and a lot of fighting, and a lot of love. He will probably never know how much I truly do love him. There have been some trying struggles, and some arguing over pointless things, but he has taught me many life lessons and a lot of things to do (and not to do) in the future.

People. Specific (or Atlantic) people in my life actually. Old ones, as well as new(er) ones. First, the old ones. Three girls who are completely irriplacable in my life. We have shared way too many memories and ridiculous times for even us to remember, but the ones we do remember are pretty amazing memories. These three girls have been with me through ups and downs, and even some sideways moments. They know me better than I know myself; they know when something is wrong, even if I can't admit it, and they know how to make me talk and explain myself, even when I really don't want to do so. I miss them terrible so far away in Jackson, Mississippi, but it will make our times together now so much more sweet.

   New friends. Friends from all over the country (and at least one from another part of the world :) ) each one of them are such blessings to my life and have been little joys in my life all semester long. Some I have gotten closer to than others, some are still merely acquaintences, but each of them means something special to me, and I am beyond thankful that God has placed us all in the Belhaven bubble with each other where we can go through four years of life together.

   One new friend in particular. I still am not completely sure why God brough him to me so quickly in the semester, or what He's doing through our lives, but one thing I do know is all he has taught me, and all that God has shown me through him. Struggles, new experiences, friendship, and a lot of laughter and happiness, lots of joy and growth and maturity.

Little things. If you know me, you know that I take extreme delight in random little things of life. Things like coffee and rainy days, sunflowers and sparkly things, Hello Kitty and little kids, a bible verse or my favorite songs, socks and headbands, ballet and frolicking. The list could really go on for quite a while if I kept going.







What are YOU thankful for this Thanksgiving?



I turned to the Lord in prayer and fasting...

Okay, so it's pretty much been ages since I last wrote on here. A ton has happened in my life and God has been teaching me mass amounts. I barely even know where to begin.

The church I attend here at school, North Ridge, has been doing a twenty day fast. I chose to fast from Facebook and coffee. Those of you who know me are probably in shock from the second one. I pretty much live on coffee, or at least I did. I realized that I had a major dependency on that caffeine and that God commands me to be totally dependent on Him alone. I'm not saying that drinking a cup or two of coffee everyday is a sin, starting tomorrow I'm going to drink it again. However I am saying that for me, this twenty day break from it has truly taught me to depend on God alone for my sole source of joy and energy. The break from Facebook has just helped to minimize distractions. Fasting, I've learned, is not giving up things that are bad, it is simply taking a break from good things that can sometimes take your focus off of Christ, and to use the time that you have to spend with God and to ask Him to teach you things during the time of your fast.

The fast was just what I needed right when I needed it. Some things I learned?
These are some things I wrote in my journal during the fast.

I learned a lot about God's love...

• Jesus defines love
• God says to me, "You can't push Me away" that's something I've been doing all my life, pushing God's love away, and running away from it.
• His steadfast love endures forever (Psalm 132)

I also began going to a Bible study with some friends every Thursday morning at 7am before my 8am class...some things I've looked in there?

• What does a God-centered relationship look like? The fruits of the Spirit...Purity...
• What does it mean to ABIDE in Christ? Resting completely in Him...Nothing else distracting...
• Gods ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8)...I need to stop telling God what I want and listen to Him telling me what He wants for me
• Am I being faithful in what God has set before me? (Matthew 25:14-30)

Some amazing events I went to during the fast:

• 4 RUF large group meetings
• A Worship Night on campus
• Secret Church simulcast
• 2 church services
• Take it to the Streets service project, the Methodist Children's Home

This was my first real experience with fasting, and it's been a really good thing for me. God has taught me a lot and I know that He will continue to do so now that my fast is over for now.

College

So, it's been a long while since I posted last. Life has changed tremendously since then, because I started college. I am now a freshman at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi. I moved into my dorm on August 20th, basically two weeks ago. I began classes on the 24th and have now successfully completed a week and a half of classes as a college student. I absolutely love it here. It's incredible to feel like I have been here for months and to feel like I've known my friends forever, when the truth is I've only been here thirteen days and known most of these people less than that. God has been so good. Here's a little bit of what He has been teaching me lately.

"...and when you go, you shall not go empty." {Exodus 3:21 ESV}
Lately, I have been reading through the book of Exodus. I have read it before, and to be completely honest, it was only merely stories to me. But recently, I have begun to look at it with a new perspective, and one huge thing I seen throughout it is how consistent God is to provide. I came to school two weeks ago, knowing only two acquaintances and no one else. Never really having been in a legitimate classroom, never being away from home for more than one month. All throughout Exodus the thing that sticks out the most to me is how often God provides for Moses, Aaron, and the Israelites. When things are uncertain and when Moses was hesitant, God was there, and He provided all that they needed. I am finding the same is true in my life today. Two weeks ago, I didn't really have any friends here; now, God has blessed me with a small group of close, Christian friends, as well as many new acquaintances. I have adjusted to classes just fine, and am loving almost every class I am taking this semester. God doesn't promise that things will always be peachy, but He does promise that we won't have to go through life alone, or empty-handed.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." {2 Peter 1:3 NIV}

"Rejoice in the Lord, for He is good, His steadfast love endures forever." {Psalm 136:1 ESV}
I read this verse at 1:30am this morning in the bathroom hallway, which goes to show that God can teach you things no matter where you are. After waking up for my 9am ballet class, the words of this verse kept resounding through my mind all day today: during pirouettes, taking notes in History & Ideas, discussing the story of Joseph in Literature & Art, taking a walk around campus with a friend, watching choreography in Dance Department meeting, even while I was eating dinner in the cafeteria this evening. Looking at the verse there are three major thing that jump out at me; I see joy, goodness, and love. Being here at Belhaven, I have fallen in love with everything and everyone here. I know there are going to be bad days, and tough days, and days that I am just going to want to forget about altogether, but so far, everyday that I have been here has been beautiful. When I say beautiful, I don't just mean warm and sunny, but also days that I have made new memories, made new friends, made new discoveries, or learned things about myself, God, or both. The middle section of the verse says, "...for He is good..." God is so good, and just in the ways and people and adventures He is brought to me, I have continually been shown His goodness every day. And lastly, His love endures forever. Think about what forever means...it means NEVER ENDING...ever. That is how long God's love lasts; it won't end because of something I think, say, or do. It won't end when the world ends. It won't end EVER...ever. That blows my mind to think of all I have done, said, and thought in my life, and the fact that the Creator, who created me to be holy, who has seen the depths of my sinfulness, and still His love will endure forever.
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His steadfast love endures forever!" {Psalm 118:29 ESV}
Those are two major things God has been showing me within the past two weeks that I have been at school. I am eager to see His will for me life continue to unfold during my time here at Belhaven.

Love, Love, Love

Originally, I was going to retype my notes from church this morning and post them. The message today was on loving one another, and it was very good, don't get me wrong, but then tonight, my best friend and I went and saw the movie "Crazy, Stupid Love" and it really got me thinking. So often as Christians, the Bible, and parents, and pastors are constantly telling us that we are supposed to "love one another", but in order to know how to love, one must know love, and something that helps us know love is knowing what love is not.

The way I see it, there are two views on love: there is the world's view and then there is God's view. God's view came first, after all, He came first. He loved Adam when He created him, and there, in the very beginning was the most perfect, true kind of love, the love of God. Now, over time, as the world progressed and culture progressed, love slowly became twisted into this warped, corrupted view of love which society has today.

The world's view on love is everywhere. Turn on the TV and you'll see The Bachelor, where love is just waiting in a long line of women, who are just there as prizes to be won, played with for a short period of time and discarded. A show where the questions asked are shallow, but good enough to keep audiences interested. Go to a bookstore and pick up the Twilight series, where love is immortal, mysterious, and a little bit on the dangerous side. Go see the latest romantic comedy (Crazy, Stupid Love perhaps?) where love is simply complimenting strings of women only in order to get them into bed; where sex is a common activity between strangers, rather than something cherished between husband and wife.

In C.S. Lewis' book "The Four Loves" (which I still haven't read all of, but plan on finishing at some point in my life), Lewis discusses in each section one of four loves: Affection, Agape, Eros, and Friendship. True love in the marital sense includes all four of these loves, and yet the world has watered down love into Eros (or sexual) love only. To the world, the only purpose of relationships is sex, even some Christians who believe sex is only for marriage, have given into the world's view of love and try to see how far they can go without going "too far".

But love is not about sex at all. Yes, I said it; love if far more than the physical. What is love, then? Well I surely do not claim to know all there is to know about that, but I do know what God says in His Word to be true.

"...God is love." {1 John 4:8}

"And this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome." {1 John 5:3} 

"Let us love one another, for love is from God..." {1 John 4:7}

"...love covers a multitude of sins." {1 Peter 4:8}

"For God gave us a spirit...of love." {2 Timothy 1 :7}

God is love, and God's love is full of goodness and purity. God's kind of love is unending, undeserving, and unconditional. God loves like no man or woman could ever love, and yet, He calls us to love like Him, because His love is perfect. God calls women to love their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. He calls parents to love their children, and children to love and respect their parents. He calls the rich to love the poor, and the poor to love the rich. He calls us not only to love each and every person, but to look on and love each and every person as He sees them and as He loves them.

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." {1 John 3:18}

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." {John 13:34}

Earlier, I mentioned learning what love is by learning what love is not. The best place I have found to see this is in the chapter of love: 1 Corinthians 13.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
{1 Corinthians 13:4-7}

Now re-read those few verses. Instead of saying "love" say your own name. Do you feel like a liar? Convicting, isn't it?

We love...

This week has been kind of hard so far. I haven't gotten much sleep due to staying up late and getting up early to babysit, babysitting has really tried my patience the past two days, and I have found myself snapping at my family and feeling so dissatisfied. Here are some recent things I've been thinking about this week.
-taye

. . .Because He first loved us

Loving God is something I really, really struggle with, though that seems like an absurdity when I think about how much He loves me. Many of my favorite passages of scripture talk about God's love:

"See what kind of love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. . ."
{1 John 3:1}

". . . God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort  and good hope through grace."
{2 Thessalonians 2:16}

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation is able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
{Romans 8:38-39}

Those verses (as well as many more) along with songs such as "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" and "How He Loves" remind me SO intensely of God's immeasurable, unchangeable love for me, and yet, day after day after day after day I find that one of the most difficult things for me in my Christian walk is loving the Lord. I do love Him always, just not completely. It sometimes seems nearly impossible to give over my WHOLE heart to HIM, although He already holds it, along with the entire world and the entire universe in His hands. It's like I cannot let go. . .there's a verse in the gospel of Mark that I love so much:

". . .I believe; help my unbelief!"
{Mark 9:24}

Sometimes I feel the need to alter the wording in a prayer to the Lord, crying out, "I do love You; help me to love You!"

And yet in spite of my commitment issues to God, I find eternal comfort in the knowledge that no matter how much I struggle to love Him fully, He will always love me completely and perfectly, and that nothing in the whole wide world could ever change that love.

Love People, Love God

So I just got home from my 6 1/2 hour road trip to Jackson, Mississippi for my college orientation. There is a large pile of clothes on my bedroom floor waiting to be put away and it's nearly 10pm...and yet I'm sitting here, about to write a blog post. But I figure that I need to get my procrastinating out of my system before I go to college, because I really need to stop procrastinating once I get there, because I'll be SUPER busy.
-taye

Love One Another

"Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people he has made?"
{Francis Chan, Crazy Love}

As I said previously, I have just been to my college orientation. The school I am going to this fall is a small, private, Christian University, and there are people from all over the country who go there; the incoming freshman class is no exception. My roommate is from Pennsylvania, and over the weekend I met people from Arizona, Arkansas, Texas, and many other states. It is very interesting to see how different all of these people are from me- the small-town, homeschooled, southern girl from Georgia.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."
{John 13:34}

Love people. At first, this sounds like it would be a pretty simple task to accomplish. But then Jesus threw in a twist: to love others like HE loves them. Now I was with you when you first thought Hey, this will be fine. I'll just love the people who love me: easy enough. But people don't always love you; they may love you for a short time, but human love is subject to alteration. God doesn't just love the people who love Him, if He did, John 3:16 would be way off track. If God only loved those who consistently love Him, those who receive God's love would be very, very few. But thankfully, that isn't the way He works. God loves everyone. Everyone? Yes, I said everyone. That means the homeless man you pass on the highway. It means the Starbucks worker you see every week. It means your biology teacher who gets on your nerves. It means your parents, even when you can't understand them. It means your best friend, your aunts and uncles, your brothers and sisters, the lady who messed up your lunch order, the guy picking up trash on the side of the road, the mailman, the strange quiet girl in your math class, the clingy girl with the obnoxious laugh, the annoying guy who constantly texts you, the old woman driving 20 miles under the speed limit in front of you . . . Every single person that is living and breathing on the planet earth. God loves them and Jesus died on the cross to become sin for them, and now He comes along in John 13:34 and tells us that just as He loves every single one of them we are to love every single one of them as well.

That is a hard thing for me to grasp, and it's one of God's commands that part of me just wants to walk away from and forget about. But the more diverse the people I meet, the more this command pops up in my head, and it's something I know I cannot refuse. So I challenge you to strive with me to love every person you come into contact with: the guy whose cussing keeps offending me, the girl who acts a little differently than me, the cashier at the grocery store, the biker sitting near me at Starbucks, and especially my friends and family.



Word Wednesday

Well, I am officially done with the dance year. It feels so strange, but I will still be at my studio until I leave for college in August, so it's not going to change too much until then. Church was awakening tonight, for me at least. Our previous youth minister spoke tonight instead of our current one, I love to listen to him speak, God really uses him. It's interesting to see how God speaks differently through different people. Anyway, I was just really reminded of the intensity of the cross and the depth of my sin and also salvation. Another thing I was reminded of that I am constantly in need of a reminder is how much and how incredible God's love is for us. How after we beat, scourged, whipped, slapped, spit on, and mocked Jesus Christ, what he asked in return was, "Father forgive them". . . how ridiculous is that? That is how intense God's love for us really is. Here's some of Luke to finish off your Wednesday.
-taye

Luke 23:18-47 (ESV)

"But they all cried out together, 'Away with this man, and release to us Barabbas'— a man who had been thrown into prison for an insurrection started in the city and for murder. Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus, but they kept shouting, 'Crucify, crucify Him!' A third time he said to them, 'Why, what evil has He done? I have found in Him no guilt deserving death. I will therefore punish and release Him.' But they were urgent, demanding with loud cries that He should be crucified. And their voices prevailed. So Pilate decided that their demand should be granted. He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, for whom they asked, but he delivered Jesus over to their will.

And as they led Him away, they seized one Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, and laid on Him the cross, to carry it behind Jesus. And there followed Him a great multitude of the people and of women who were mourning and lamenting for Him. But turning to them Jesus said, 'Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, "Blessed are the barren and the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!" Then they will begin to say to the mountains, "Fall on us," and to the hills, "Cover us." For if they do these things when the wood is green, what will happen when it is dry?'

Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with Him. And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on His right and one on His left. And Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' And they cast lots to divide His garments. And the people stood by, watching, but the rulers scoffed at Him, saying, 'He saved others; let Him save Himself, if He is the Christ of God, His Chosen One!' The soldiers also mocked Him, coming up and offering Him sour wine and saying, 'If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!'  There was also an inscription over him, 'This is the King of the Jews.'

One of the criminals who were hanged railed at Him, saying, 'Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!' But the other rebuked him, saying, 'Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.' And he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' And He said to him, 'Truly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.'

It was now about the sixth hour, and there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour, while the sun’s light failed. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, 'Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit!' And having said this He breathed His last. Now when the centurion saw what had taken place, he praised God, saying, 'Certainly this man was innocent!'



My God is so BIG...

I just got home last night from New York, where I had been since Friday. My parents and I went as my graduation trip/ spring break. But because we came back yesterday, that leaves me with the rest of the week to sleep late and get some stuff done like cleaning out my room and closet and washing my dirty, pollen-covered car. I can't wait. Here are some thoughts on what God's been teaching me lately.


-taye


. . . So strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do



Throughout this entire year so far, I can see that God has been continually showing me the same few things over and over and over again. Since January 1st, I have grown so much closer to God and taken my relationship with Him to such a different place than it has ever been before. Although that closeness with Him has not given me a free pass from sin. I see my sinfulness so much more clearly now that my mind is more in tune with His will for me. The more I see Christ's love for me and the depth of His affections for me, the more I am saddened by my rebellious nature. I have a tendency to run away from the things I fear. For some reason I have been afraid to let God love me. That sounds absurd, I know. I suppose that I feel like people I love tend to let me down so often, and so I fear that I will just be let down again if I trust to let God love me, or if I trust myself to love God wholeheartedly. But God is not a person, He is so unfathomably more. So, He has been showing me recently that I can trust Him, and I need to trust Him, because that is sometimes the only thing I can do.



Another thing God has been showing me throughout that past four months, is my insignificance. Compared to Him, I am so incredibly small. When I was in New York, I went to the American Museum of Natural History (The museum that inspired the movie Night at the Museum), and while there I saw the IMAX movie of "Journey to the Stars" narrated by Whoopie Goldberg. Although I did not agree with everything in the film (the mention of evolutionistic theories), the movie was amazing. The visualization of all of those beautiful stars! And to think that God created every one of them and knows each one by name . . . it bewilders me! However, I got to thinking: all of those stars are like people. There are so many of them and one huge, powerful God. Compared to God, we -I- am so immeasurably small and puny and completely incapable of doing anything significant . . . on my own. I realize my weakness and my inadequacy.



Though this is not nearly the final thing God has been showing me, it is the final for this post (because it's 12:06am and I am tired). For the past month or so, I have been reading off and on in David Platt's book "Radical" . . . WOW. My full thoughts on the book are so numerous that they are for an entirely other post (and I am only half way finished with it!), but two major things have struck me from the book.
First, that as a follower of Christ, it is my job -my duty- to proclaim Christ to the world . . . and that does not mean just to LaGrange, Georgia, or Jackson, Mississippi, or even just the United States, but it means to the whole world. That really hit me because I have always been one of those Christians who say that not everyone is "called" to be a missionary. But guess what: everyone is called to be a missionary, check out the great commission.
The second major thing that God has shown me through the book is that we are to live our lives serving others. Now at this you may be thinking, "well hold on, I thought we were to serve Christ, not people." And you're right, but, in order to be a servant of God, we serve others. Serving others is serving God. Putting others before ourselves is putting God before ourselves. This thought has changed me perspective of my life completely.

Give Me Faith

So, I posted the video for the song "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship in yesterday's Monday Music post, but today I want to share the lyrics with you. It is so simple and yet so powerful. In church Sunday, we sang it, and yesterday I bought Elevation Worship's album on iTunes and have been listening to it non-stop since. The lyrics to this song have been the epitome of my prayers this week, so far. So much has been swarming my thoughts lately, I want to try and get some writing done and posted this week, I'll try.
-taye

Here are the lyrics . . . I challenge you to dive into them and lift the words up to God as your prayer today.

Give Me Faith

  I need You to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need You to open my eyes

To see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

 

Give me faith to trust what You say

That You’re good and Your love is great

I’m broken inside, I give You my life

I need You to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need You pierce through the dark

And cleanse every part of me

 

I may be weak

But Your Spirit’s strong in me

My flesh may fail

My God You never will

I may be weak

But Your Spirit's strong in me

My flesh may fail

But my God You never will



Love So Incredible

Today is starting out so great! It's only 10am and I've already gotten a lot of school done...which is rare for me, haha. I have a lunch date with one of my best friends today, I can't wait for that, our fellowship is always so encouraging, and just what I need. Here are some thoughts that were on my mind last night, I thought I would share. Have a beautiful Tuesday!
-taye


Amazing Love, How Can It Be?

Around 11:30 last night, I was sitting on my bed having my quiet time when I started thinking about God's love. I cannot understand it. Why does God love me? How can God love me? I put Him through so much ridiculousness (is that even a word?) and at times just drag Him along in my life without ever giving Him the glory of which He is so worthy. Yet, He does love me. Me, the girl who is constantly running in the opposite direction of His love; me, the girl who is persistently looking elsewhere for satisfaction; me, the girl who cannot open herself up to anyone, not even the God who created me. But He loves me. He loves everyone. The people who get on my nerves and constantly try my patience, He loves them; the people who have used me and hurt me, He loves them; the people who have murdered, and lied, and cheated, and stolen, He loves them. The concept of the divinity of His love is so difficult to wrap my tiny mind around, but that does not lessen His love. Perhaps one of the most incredible verses in the Word about God's love is one with which every Christian is so familiar: John 3:16.
You know how it goes, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." The problem is that because this verse is so familiar, we take it for granted. Sure, we can recite it word-for-word, forward and backward, but do we ever take into account what it truly means? What it means for salvation, and what it means for us as the objects of the God of the Universe's affections?
God loved us to the extent that when we failed and sin entered our nature, He did not simply give up hope on us, or say "Oh well, I guess the whole human thing isn't going to work out anymore." No. Instead of just letting us go down a road of destruction after we broke His heart, He devised a plan to save us from the torment and death that we were heading toward. But not only did He save us from death, He went the extra mile to give us the opposite of death; He gave us life, eternal life. But not only eternal life, eternal life in heaven—in His presence.

How great is our God!

Faithful Jesus

Such a fun morning! Instead of my usual Saturday morning ballet class, today I had contemporary. There’s just something so much more fun about wearing messy hair and a giant sweatshirt rather than tights and hair in a bun in the early morning. Overall, I think it’s going to be a great day! It’s so beautiful outside too…70 degrees again! Anyway, this is just some stuff that’s been floating around in my head all week, but I’m just now having the time to really sit down and get my thoughts together enough to write a post. Have a beautiful Saturday!
-taye

P.S. After re-reading through this post after writing it, I realized that it unintentionally ended up being way more personal and a lot lengthier than what I started out with in my head. So sorry about that!


Faithfulness None Can Deny


This week was a difficult one for me—starting out with those days that everything seems to be going wrong, and ending with me being sick. Basically, overall it was not a very fun week. However, God has been so faithful to me throughout my stubbornness, and sickness, and He has remained faithful in His promises to restore His children.

“He restores my soul…”
Psalm 23:3 (ESV)

Trusting God is really hard for me, as it is for most people, I amm sure. The hard part is giving up all of your fears and desires and worries and giving them completely and fully over to Christ. But what I have been realizing lately is that God is so deserving of our trust. He has made so many promises to us and yet, He keeps every single one of them. He is so faithful to His children, although we are constantly unfaithful to Him.

“He…is called Faithful and True…”
Revelation 19:11 (NASB)

“…He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9 (NASB)

“[They] shall entrust theirs souls to a faithful Creator…”
1 Peter 4:19 (NASB)

The best way that I can try to show some extent of God’s faithfulness is through examples from my own life. Over this school year, God has shown His faithfulness so clearly to me; even when I have not noticed it at the time, looking back I can see it all so well.

I am a senior and so this past fall, I was really struggling in my decision to pick a college to go to; the pressure kept building up. I was seriously looking at three colleges, all with good dance programs, which is what I will be majoring in. In November, I went to Jackson, Mississippi to audition for Belhaven University’s dance program and also to visit the school. I had spent many summers in the their dorms over the years for Ballet Magnificat’s summer dance intensive, but I had never really considered attending to University before. The audition went well; I was accepted into the dance program and received an offer for a dance scholarship. For the next month following my trip to Jackson my parents and I continued to pray about where I should go to school. I was registered to audition for two other public universities' dance programs in early 2011, but around New Year’s I decided that Belhaven is where God wants me for the next four years of my life. God’s faithfulness radiated in the fact that He revealed His plans to me in due time—not a minute too soon, nor too late.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord…”
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

God has also shown His faithfulness to me in blessing me with three incredible best friends. The four of us have grown up together and, throughout high school especially, they have been the best encouragers in my faith, and the best accountability I could have ever wanted. Every Wednesday night, we meet at Starbucks after dance or church and just talk—sometimes for hours. I feel really bad for the Starbucks employees. Fellowship with Christian brothers and sisters is so vitally important in our walk with God. Fellowship helps to encourage us to seek God when we have grown weary; it helps to rebuke us when we have chosen the wrong direction; and overall, it helps us to have joy in what God has blessed us with and in what is to come.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

Also over the past year, I have had a tough time with guys—three guys to be exact. I have had only one boyfriend in my lifetime (I am thankful for that low number). Relationships, especially high school relationships, I feel like are such a waste of time and effort for most people. Granted, there are exceptions to this—you know, the couples who started dating in 10th grade and end up happily married twenty years later. But let’s be realistic: that does not happen very often. Since my sophomore year, I have always told myself that I would not date again in high school—it is a setup for heartbreak— but what I have come to realize is that you do not have to be dating to get your heart broken, and also that guys are not the only ones who can break your heart, God can too. The difference is that God breaks your heart so that He can heal it, while guys break your heart simply out of carelessness or in ignorance, and they have no intention of healing it for you.
I may be young but I have felt love before, at least, a part of what love is. Part of love is being able to love someone when they have done nothing to deserve it, and to be able to love someone even after they have hurt you. That is what I felt with guy number one (we’re not going to mention names, for the sake of everyone who reads this). He and I became friends a few years ago, he lived a couple hours away, but through facebook and phone conversations we continued getting to know one another after we had left the place where we met. For an entire year we did this, slowly becoming closer friends, but eventually I began to like him more than a friend, and apparently he did too. About a year and a half ago, we were on the phone one night and the subject came up; we both admitted liking each other as more than just friends and felt relieved to hear that it was reciprocated; we then talked every day for about two weeks. One day, we were talking and he nonchalantly mentioned that he didn’t feel that way for me anymore, as if the way he had felt two weeks before had just abruptly disappeared. I acted fine with it, but really I was deeply hurt, deeper than I realized. The hurt began to grow, and I allowed it to, in fact, I watered it and pulled the weeds. For almost another year and a half the hurt continued to build up, but so did the love. I continued to fall for him even though we only talked once every few months or so, and he completely ignored me on some occasions. He had led me on, but I tried to love him when he rejected me, and the hurt that he planted had grown so big that it began consuming my heart. I had allowed this situation in my life to take over my heart, slowly taking it back from God and giving pieces of it in desperate pursuit of this guy who did not even acknowledge my feelings for him.
Finally, around September or October it hit me that guy number one was not good for me. I have the mindset that every guy I find myself liking I should ask myself if he could be a potential husband, and if not, ditch him. Dating and courtship are preparation for marriage and if you cannot see yourself spending the rest of your life with them, why waste your time? So I realized this guy would be a horrible husband for me someday and also that he probably was not ever going to like me back again. So I gave him up; I stopped thinking about him, I stopped trying to talk to him, and I stopped feeding the hurt. The crazy thing is that after that, there was such a heavy weight that had been lifted from my heart, and I realized that the weight had been so heavy that only God could have lifted it, and He did. This is where guy number two comes in. I mentioned in a previous post about how there was this guy at church that I found myself noticing. I do not think that I can say that I ever really liked him, we still have never really had a legitimate conversation, but even so, I found myself thinking about him. Now, before you start thinking that I am a creep for thinking about this guy I had never even talked to, I will tell you that guy number two was just something to fill what my heart was searching for. God was there, I knew He was because He had so recently healed me and put me back on my feet again, but instead of being content with that, my heart still searched for love and for something that my affection could fall upon other than Christ. That is pretty much it for the story of guy number two; his presence is not all that significant in the purpose of this drawn-out story.
Before guy number three entered the picture, there was such a huge change in my heart. God showed me everywhere I had gone wrong. I had been searching for love everywhere but in Him. I had been using God rather than living for Him. I simply allowed Him to heal me when I needed it, but then ran on my way again in search of fulfillment elsewhere. But the thing is that God is not content with that. He is a jealous God and He wants all of us, not just particles and leftovers of our heart. He knows exactly what is best for us, and what is best for us is Him. God stopped me in my tracks and showed me a glimpse of just how incredible His love for me is, and yet that glimpse was more than I could ever imagine or hope for. I was finally content to rest wholly in the love of Christ when guy number three came along. This guy was different; I had never had such encouraging conversations with any other guy before. Our conversations were filled with dissections of scripture and reflections of what God was showing us. It looked to me what God intended relationships to be about—completely based on Him. But then it just ended. He and I had talked consistently for about three weeks, and then I stopped hearing from him. I think that God allowed it to end in order to teach the guy some things as well as myself—things that He could not teach us if we were friends.

I suppose that turned into more of a testimony rather than a simple example, but it all leads up to how God is faithful. I have seen God’s faithfulness in many ways through these three guys, which is one reason, I think, that God allowed them to have a part in my life. I have come to know that God is faithful even when I am not. As seen in stories of the first two guys, I was not looking for contentment or satisfaction in Christ, but rather I was searching for it everywhere but in Him.

“Why are you looking for love, why are you still searching as if I’M not enough?”
“By Your Side”, Tenth Avenue North

I have also seen God’s faithfulness in the fact that He promises He will never leave us and forsake us, and that He keeps that promise. He brought my heart back into focus on Him, even after I had left Him in the background to search for love somewhere else.

“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you…”
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)

And lastly, that He is faithful in doing what is His will for our lives. He knows what He’s doing better than what we think He’s doing, and in the end, everything works for the good even if we do not understand it. His plan is always greater than anything we could plan for ourselves.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good…”
Romans 8:28 (ESV)

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go…”
Psalm 32:8 (NASB)

I apologize once again for how long that was, but I hope that you have found some encouragement in reading this and some hope because of the Lord's constant faithfulness to us, and that He always keeps His promises to His people.

“My God, You are here with us, constantly here with us, You are our everythingfaithful and true.”
“Constant”, Charlie Hall

“God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.”
1 Corinthians 1:9 (ESV)

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful…”
2 Timothy 2:13 (ESV)

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.”
2 Thessalonians 3:3 (ESV)

Things I love

I've gotten to sleep almost all day today, it's been amazing, except the fact that I'm sick-ish. I decided to put the doctor off til tomorrow though, so I'll see how I feel in the morning. This is just a random post-a little about me, I suppose. I love the little things in life. You know what I'm talking about, the little joys. The small things that no one seems to notice, but that make you smile and happy inside. I love those things; to me, they make life more exciting. They're like mini-blessings that God gives us to show us little pieces of His love and to glimpses happiness.
-taye



I love...

...thinking back to the moment you met someone who is now a major part of your life

...bubbles

...the moment of butterflies right before I step onstage

...watching the clouds move

...when cashiers are really friendly

...when strangers hold the door open

...waking up to a text message

...pinky promises with little kids

...rainy days

...when people talk to me first, because it means they were thinking about me

...seeing flowers randomly growing on the side of the road

...driving through a yellow light

...texting until late at night

...the way that Starbucks smells

...drinking out of a straw

...learning significant life lessons from a tv show

...laughing so hard you can't speak

...when you say the same exact thing as someone else at the same exact time

...predictable romantic comedies

...driving with the sunroof down in the summertime

...eating the marshmallows off the top of hot chocolate

...having more fun than the kids I'm babysitting

...standing perfectly still on an escalator, none of that walking crap

...revolving doors

...looking at the clock right as it turns midnight

...finding the big and little dippers in the night sky

...the moment you finally know every word to a song

...skipping the very last stair

...eating something you cooked yourself

...seeing old couples holding hands

...crazy headbands

...taking the first sip of coffee in the morning

...long hugs

...the perfect pair of pointe shoes

...when someone tells you how you make them feel

...handwritten letters, even if the handwriting is bad

...stickers, preferably ones with glitter

...seeing a facebook notification pop up

...fuzzy socks

...having a conversation with a friend that if anyone else was listening they would have no idea what you're talking about

...swinging on the playground

...hugs from little kids

...sitting in people's laps

...getting out of the car after a long trip

...when the ChickfilA workers say "My pleasure"

...the memory that comes to mind when you look at a picture

...drinking water when you're really thirsty

...finding applications to the gospel in random life situations

...watching a movie and being able to quote nearly every line

...late night discussions with best friends

...unique, weird animals

...candlelight bubble baths

...warm blankets

...watching classic disney movies when I'm sick

...balloons shaped like animals

...a giant glass of Milo's sweet tea in the summertime

...crunchy peanut butter

Be My Valentine?

Okay…well this has been such an awesome Valentine’s Day so far…not. My Valentine is sick (yeah, so it’s my best friend but she’s still my Valentine), I didn’t really know some of the answers to my British Lit test this morning, and while babysitting, a little girl busted her chin and had to go the emergency room. You’re jealous, aren’t you? But anyway, this is my Valentine’s Day post. For the past week or so, a million ideas have all been buzzing around in my head for what to write about for Valentine’s Day, and the past two weeks, the messages at church have really hit me. Both messages have been out of Hosea, not your typical love book—it’s no 1 Corinthians 13 or 1 John 4, but it’s so powerful, and convicting that it is the perfect thing to write about. Enjoy…and Happy Valentine’s Day!
-taye


The Bride of Christ


So many times it is mentioned in God’s Word that we, His people, His children are His bride. It is also mentioned that He, God is the bridegroom.

“Let us celebrate, let us rejoice, let us give Him the glory! The marriage of the Lamb has come; His wife has made herself ready.”
Revelation 19:7 (The Message)

“And I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”
Hosea 2:19-20 (ESV)

“For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is His name…”
Isaiah 54:5 (KJV)

“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Him.”
2 Corinthians 11:2 (NIV)

Like most girls, I adore weddings. The elegance of the bride as she steps into view and walks down the aisle in a beautiful, spotless, white dress; the joy on the groom’s face as he beholds his so-soon-to-be-wife; the flowers, the music, the feeling inside at the sound of the bride and groom exchanging the familiar vows. I long so badly to be married; there is just something about that kind of love that is so beautiful and desirable to me. However, the most incredible thing is that I am betrothed to be married to Christ. In fact, all of us are—Christians, I mean. Though, the sad part is that we all commit spiritual adultery—becoming harlots to the world.

Christ’s love for us is so incredible that it is unfathomable to the human mind.

“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
1 John 4:9-10 (ESV)

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are...”
1 John 3:1 (NIV)

“The wildest part is that Jesus doesn’t have to love us. His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity. He doesn’t need me or you. Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance.”
Francis Chan, Crazy Love


Since Christ’s love for us is so wonderful, why then, do we run from Him so often? It is like we leave Him standing at the alter over and over; His bride has abandoned and forsaken Him and left Him humiliated. But no matter what we do or where we run, God is continually loyal to us, His betrothed. That is unconditional love.
I watched the movie Fireproof the other night, and one of my favorite parts is where Caleb, the main guy, is talking to his father about everything he has done for his wife, and yet she still has rejected him.

“I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this… How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?”

Directly following this quote, Caleb realizes all that Christ has done for Him and becomes a Christian. That quote in the movie hits straight through my heart every time because it is so completely parallel to God’s love for us. God shows His love for us in everything, and yet we spit in His face. We do not deserve God’s love whatsoever, and yet despite our constant rejection of Him, He continues to show us love even though we never deserve it. It is easy to show love to someone when they love you back and when their attitude and how they receive your love is agreeable. But it takes the unconditional love of Christ to show love when someone hates you, despises you, rejects you, resists you and pushes you away. That is the love God has for us.

“The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time.”
Francis Chan, Crazy Love

“And the Lord said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.’ So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.”
Hosea 3:1-2 (ESV)

God told Hosea to go and marry a prostitute. Hosea obeyed God—knowing that his wife would not be faithful to him; knowing his wife would not love him, but knowing all of this, Hosea still obeyed God and loved Gomer with the unconditional love of Christ—as Christ loves His children. The price that Hosea paid for Gomer was less than half of what a typical servant was usually worth. She was worth nothing. Yet God treasured her and loved her and showed His love to her through Hosea. If you read the entire book of Hosea, you may be putting yourself Hosea's position, thinking "Oh hey! I need to love like Christ loves: unconditionally!" which is true, however, we need to put ourselves in the position of Gomer. "Me, a prostitute-a harlot?!" Yes. We are harlots to the world, giving ourselves over to the desires of our flesh and constantly rejecting Christ and His undeserved love for us.

So I will leave you with this: whatever has your heart is what you will be running after…who has your heart?