That Girl

I don't know if it's just the fact that it's summer and I haven't had much to do this week, or if it's just getting ready for college, but lately I have been doing a lot of "reflecting" on my life so to speak, which leads to a lot of random blog posts from me. But anyway, here's something I've been thinking about today and pretty much all week I guess.
-taye

The Only Thing That's Good In Me Is JESUS

I am an encourager; that is one of my spiritual gifts. There is nothing like that joy I get from sending a Bible verse to a friend who needs it, or asking people how I can be praying for them. Ever since the end of my freshman year in high school, I decided that I was going to stop trying to fit in with the world and start living for Christ.

At our senior dinner at dance this year, the company girls all signed a picture frame for each of the seniors, as well as wrote a note to each of us, simply wishing us well as we move on to the college phase of our lives, and just what we have meant to them as dancers and as people in the years we have danced together. I nearly teared up when reading all of mine, and a couple of days ago, I went back and was reading some of the things people wrote to me. A couple of things that popped up included "Christians girl", "great role model" and "wonderful example". Now those are great things to be, and I feel honored that those girls said those things about me, but looking at myself from my point of view, I am not so sure that I would use those terms quite so passionately to describe myself.

I have had the privilege over this past year to be sort of a mentor to a 7th grade girl who dances at my studio, as well as goes to my church. At the end of the school year she wrote me a note. The note made me cry, because as well as me being an encouragement to her, she has been such an encouragement to me as well. But, there was one line in the note that said "every morning I wake up and ask myself how I can be more like you." More like ME?! I wanted to look her in the eyes and ask her if she was looking at the same girl that I was.

I am not a bad person compared to the world's standards. But being a Christian is not about not being a bad person. God calls us to be holy and perfect, just as He is holy and perfect. I am so F A R from perfect it is not even funny. To be quite honest, I struggle so much every single day just to keep at the front of my mind that I am supposed to be living for Christ and not giving in to my selfishness. As much as I hate to admit, most of the time I give in to my selfishness. I struggle every single day to fully know with all of my being that God is the only thing I need. Everything else comes second. Yet, I still struggle and fight with the thoughts that maybe if I had the perfect ballerina body or maybe if I was dating that guy I have liked for months now that just maybe then I could be happier. But I have to keep telling myself "no". One thing I really hate to admit is that so many times when I have asked friends every week how I can pray for them, I never get around to actually praying for them. Sometimes I have even lied and said I have been praying for them when I haven't.

All these things are just a few things I struggle and fight with every single day, and things I fail at every single day, and yet there are SO MANY MORE things just like them that I struggle with as well. It seems that no matter how many times I ask God's forgiveness and no matter how many times I tell Him that it will be different, I simply cannot be holy due to my sinful nature.

The thing that gives me hope though, is the knowledge that my God is making me new everyday, and that He does still forgive me after all my failures and mistakes. That He still loves me unconditionally, in spite of the fact that I cannot be perfect, though I will continue to try because He calls me to.

"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

{Matthew 5:48}