{Old & New}

2011 is quickly coming to an end. With a new year approaching, there is so much to look forward to: resolutions, getting back into a routine, a fresh start, etc. No matter what you're looking forward to, there is one word that always comes to mind when I think of a new year--new. But what about the old? Everyone spends so much time looking forward to what is ahead, that they never seem to take time to reflect on what has happened over the past year. What about the old year? What about the memories made, the events that took place, the people you met, the ways that you've changed? Before I think about a new year, I want to look at the old year...what happened this year that will make 2011 memorable for the rest of my life?

The year 2011, for me, began with my attending a Worship conference in Atlanta called Passion. During the first four days of the year that I was at this conference, my life changed. Not necessarily in a dramatic way, but more subtly in the way that God changed my heart during those four days. God showed me that He did indeed love me, a sinner, and He began to give me, for the first time, a little glimpse of just how BIG His love for me really is. It was then that I finally realized that I couldn't keep up running away from His love, and that no matter where else I looked for a love like His, I would be satisfied with none of it until I first found it in Him alone. With a new heart, I headed home to finish my senior year of high school. But with this new heart had to come a new way of thinking, which I struggled with (and still often do) developing. For the next 6 months I struggled with the same things I had in 2010, and I often questioned God why it was so difficult to change my head knowledge with what my new heart knowledge was.

In May, I graduated from high school. It was a feeling of relief and accomplishment all at once, and looking back on the past 12 years of my life as a student was an interesting experience. I had picked a college and a major, and felt confident that it was where God was calling me to be. I struggled on and off throughout the summer whether it really was God's plans for me to go to school, or whether He wanted me to go straight into dancing. I know now that college was absolutely His plan, and I'm so thankful that I listened to Him.

Summer came and I took a babysitting job twice a week for a family that I had been babysitting for throughout the year. Mondays and Wednesdays I would get up and go to their house and get to play with their two children, ages 7 and 9, for hours, and then I'd go home, or go to dance, or go do things with friends. I didn't really realize it at the time, but God was teaching me a lot through those kids. He taught me a lot of patience, but He also taught me that love comes in all sorts of ways, and that the love of a child is so much different than any other kind of love. I always knew that one day, when I get married and decide to start a family, that I wanted a few kids, but it was this past summer that God showed me how much I really love children, and that if He decides to give me more than a few (say maybe five or six) I'd be perfectly content with a larger family than the one I had always imagined or experienced growing up in a family with only three children. He taught me a lot about the faith of a child during that time too. He tells us in His Word that we're to have a childlike faith, and I never really understood what that meant. But, spending so much time with kids, I began to understand a little more that having a childlike faith means to trust in the Lord without knowing all the details; not to just put part of your trust in Him, but to fully and completely hand anything and everything over with the full confidence that He has it under His control.

On August 18th, I packed up the majority of my belongings, and headed off to college at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi. My mom wasn't too thrilled me moving 6.5 hours away from home, but after months of no luck, she eventually gave up trying to talk me out of it. I'm not going to lie, I was very excited about moving on to the next stage of my life, but I was super nervous. I didn't know anyone else going to the school, and I only knew one person that lived in Jackson, but God knew what He was doing with me, and I had to keep reminding myself to have faith that He did. Looking over the past four months, I see God's will all over it. Every person I've met, everyone experience I've been through, every place that I've gone, every struggle I've dealt with, all of it has been His will and His presence has been there throughout it all. I've made some friends that I know will be around for the rest of my life, and one boy in particular that has been such a blessing.

I wanted nothing to do with a relationship my freshman year, especially not my first semester, and God knew that full well, but He decided to disregard my thoughts on the subject. The second day I was at school I met a boy through a mutual friend I had met a the day before. He seemed like a nice guy and we both kind of fell into the same group of friends who would hang out all the time. Over time we both started to like each other and God took it over from there. Neither one of us wanted to have any sort of relationship besides being friends this first semester, but God had other plans, and I'm so thankful that He did. I have learned so much from this relationship that I can't even begin to get my thoughts together to think of the things individually, but I have, and I know for that reason that it's been God's will for me.

I was homeschooled all my life until August came around, and so school was one thing I was worrying about before I left for Jackson. But, through some struggles, I managed to make good grades, as well as the Dean's list my first semester. Dance classes in college have been somewhat different than what I've been used to all my life, with taking tests and quizzes and having evaluations, but I have also learned and grown so much through this as well, that I know it's making me a better person and dancer in the long run.

So that has pretty much been my 2011, now on to think about 2012, a  brand new year with lots to look forward to! I recently saw the movie New Year's Eve in theaters. It was what I expected: a bunch of celebrities, some comedy, some romance, overall pretty predictable and cheesy. But at one part during the movie, Hilary Swank's character gives a speech when the New Year's Eve ball gets stuck on it's way up. She says,

"{The ball is} suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that is what New Year's is all about - getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. To stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

The "all year long" part is something I think most people forget about. People get out their pens and paper on New Year's Eve, sit down and begin to make a list of things they resolve to do better in the coming year. However, the majority of people can't make it past Valentine's Day in keeping these resolutions. A new year is about a fresh start, but that start should just be the beginning of living an entirely different way, the way that you have decided on that piece of paper that you want to start living.

Reflect the the things that have changed you and made you into a better person, the things that you have learned and the things that you have been through. Then think about all the difficulties, struggles, and bad days that you had in 2011, think about them once, and then throw them out. Move on. As everyone is eating cookies and blowing horns, wearing sparkles and kissing people at 12 o'clock, allow this time to think about all the possibilities of a new year, and think about the person you want to become, the person who God created you to be, and become that. It won't be easy, it may possibly be the most difficult thing you've decided to do in your life, but you won't be doing it alone, and you won't be doing most of it. Let this year be a time that God works in your life and in your heart, and allow Him to change, shape, and mold you into the beautiful creation you were meant to be. You will still fail and mess up sometimes, but that's what God's grace is for, and He is standing there waiting to forgive you of all of the past and future sins that are and will be in your life. Let Him make you new.



{Love Came Down At Christmastime}

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that your day has been filled with blessings, fellowship, good food, fun, and most of all, Christ! These are some things I've been thinking about a lot this week...hope you enjoy thinking about it as well!

What is love? Love is not the fickleness that the world is constantly telling us. It’s not a word that should be meagerly thrown around like it has no meaning. Love is not sex, making out, hooking up, or holding hands. Love is not simply being married to someone. Love is not that warm, fuzzy, butterfly feeling you get when you’re with a certain person. Love is not living with someone. Love is not something that happens when your eyes meet. Love is not a struggle; it’s what holds you together when struggles arise. Love is not selfish, conceited, or hurtful.  Love is not insistent upon winning. Love does not focus merely on the present. Love is not something that makes you sad. If love is not any of these things, then what is it?

Love, I’m learning, is not about the temporary, but the eternal. It doesn’t focus solely on the present, but thinks often on the future. Love is realizing that another person’s life is more significant than your own—that you would willingly give your own life in order for that other person to live, if need be. Love is when you desire to forfeit your own personal happiness if, in doing so you could bring an ounce of joy to another person. Love is, when during a fight with someone, you already start thinking of your apology. Love is when you see yourself with one person when you imagine every night for the rest of your life.  Love is selfless. Love is encouraging. Love makes you smile so big that nothing could wipe that smile off your face. Love is perfectly content to walk hand-in-hand with one person for the rest of your life. Love is boundless. Love is freeing. Love gives you a sense of security and vulnerability all at once. Love is faithful, and love is hopeful. Love is pointing another person’s focus in the right direction at all times, even if that direction isn’t what will make you happy. Love can handle anything with some work, and love endures all things.

There are millions of examples of “love” stories all over the world. I know this from experience of “loving” (no pun intended) them throughout my childhood, and even now. There are Disney Princesses who always end of getting swept out of a sticky situation at the last minute by Prince Charming.  There are tons of romantic comedies that come out in movie theaters every month where an unsuspecting couple falls in “love” only to allow some minor misunderstanding to separate them for a time, only to fall back in “love”. There are fairytales galore where a young maiden finds herself in some sort of distress and a knight in shining armor (why is his armor always so shiny anyway?) rides in on a white horse to save her. Then there are numerous copies of sketchy romance novels with Fabio on the covers thrown about on bookstore shelves.  

But the truest, most pure and perfect example of love is told in the true story of one man, born as a miracle one starry night many years ago. Though the tale is so familiar to me, and so many others I know, it never gets old because it’s the reason I am alive today, and the reason I have freedom and forgiveness. Jesus (which means “God with us”) was born of a young (probably around 12 or 13 years-old) girl named Mary. Now Mary, being so young, was still a virgin. How did she have a child then, you ask? The power of the Holy Spirit came upon her and conceived the baby within her (I wonder if Mary felt that?). Nine months later, Mary and her fiancé Joseph start a journey to a small town called Bethlehem to register with the Census that was taking place all over the land. While they were there, it came time for Mary to give birth to her son, except there was one problem: there was no room left for them to stay anywhere. Finally, the found shelter in the stable (kind of like a screened-in porch without the screen used for holding animals) off of someone’s house. The miracle baby was born, but this wasn’t just an ordinary baby. Apart from his being conceived by the Holy Spirit, this baby had a huge future planned for Him. He was to be a King and a Redeemer for all the people of the world. Shepherds and Wise Men from far away came to see this baby to bring Him gifts and worship Him, for they knew what He was to become.

Thirty years later, this miracle child became a man and began His ministry. He had the power to heal people and to perform miracles. He turned water into wine, and fed thousands with only a little food. He made the blind see, the mute speak, the deaf hear, and the sick healthy. But the religious group, called the Pharisees, didn’t like Him attracted so much attention away from them, so they began a plot to kill the man. The even got one of Jesus’ followers to get in with the plot and help them get to Him. So the Pharisees meet Him in a garden one night during a festival called the Passover, and they arrest Him. Then the people judge to have Him crucified a typical punishment for major criminals. So He was whipped and beaten, then hung on a cross to die. He was placed next to two thieves, who joined the crowds in mocking Him. After His death, many more miracles occur, but the biggest miracle of all came exactly three days after He died. You remember Mary, His mother, from the beginning of this story? Well her and her friend Mary (yes, there are two Mary’s, try not to be confused) go to the tomb where He was laid, only to find that the giant stone which had been closing the grave, had been rolled back. Confused, the other Mary leaves, while Jesus’ mother Mary begins to cry in the garden outside the tomb. A “gardener” approaches her only to be Jesus Himself. Jesus had been raised to life!

How is true love exemplified in this story? Well, although Jesus was a completely innocent man (for he had done nothing but simply irritate the Pharisees, which is not a crime), he died a horrific death upon a cross, but He didn’t die in vain. Jesus died that death upon the cross for two reasons—one: to glorify God through His resurrection three days later, which He couldn’t do without having first died. And two: to bring life to every sinner (which is every human being) who will believe in His death and resurrection as well as commit their life to proclaiming the story and following the Father God. He did this out of self-sacrificial love for the entire world. There was nothing in it for Him; in fact, He had to endure many horrible things in order that we could have life and joy eternally. Jesus love was selfless, eternally focused, bringing happiness not to Him, but to the people whom He loved. His love endures all things, because He died once for all, and never has to die again. He loved us—you and me that much, but the question is, do we love Him back?

{Riddle Me This}

There is a passage in Romans that is very much like a riddle, and it is a passage which I both love and hate all at once. I love it because it shows how strong God is and the depth of our salvation, but I hate it because it shows the severity of my sinfulness, and my inability to be perfect like Christ.

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin."
{Romans 7:14-15}

This passage has a way of throwing all of my failures and sinfulness in my face, forcing me to confront and accept the fact that it is impossible for me to have any good within me on my own. It shows me that no matter how hard I try to do what is right in the eyes of God, that time and time again I will only continue to be met with failure. I can continue to blame other people, or the fact that I am simply born into a bondage of sinfulness; but ultimately, it is no one's fault but my own. It is only through Jesus Christ crucified that I am able to have beauty and goodness within me, and even still, as long as I walk upon this earth, I will continue to fail. But thanks be to God, that one day, in heaven, when I no longer face the trials and temptations of this world, I will be able to stand, wearing all white, in the presence of my King, as an innocent and perfectly pure child of my God!



{Prayer}

From today, I have exactly 22 days until I go back to Mississippi to begin my second semester of college. I have been hoping, thinking and praying that this break will be one of renewal and restoration. I am beyond thankful that I finished my first semester without too many difficulties, with good grades and a good GPA, and many new relationships built, but to be completely honest, I am sufficiently drained. I need God to renew my energy physically, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually.

Tonight, after a long phone conversation with a special man, I went outside on my deck. As I sat there beneath a blanket of twinkling stars in the chilly December air, green tea in hand, my thinking turned into praying. I prayed and thought about many things, from school, to people, to myself and my relationship with the Lord. As my mind landed on the last subject, I really began to evaluate myself.

"Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? Unless indeed you fail to meet the test!"
{2 Corinthians 13:5}

Through this "examination," I began to see how I spent time with God this semester. When I think of spending time with God, I tend to thing of reading the Bible, going to church, and praying. Reading the Bible: check. I love reading my Bible. There is rarely a day that I go without reading at least something in God's Word. I love to read my favorite verses that I have underlined in my Bible, and I love to send verses to friends everyday as a little piece of encouragement to remind them that they're not alone. Going to church: check. I have found an awesome church to attend in Madison, MS called North Ridge. There are lots of college students and young families that I get the joy of worshiping with every Sunday, and I look forward to it every weekend. Prayer: Hmmm...

Prayer is an area I have been struggling with for quite some time now. When it comes to prayer, I am seriously A.D.D. A lot of times this semester, I will try praying before I go to sleep at night. Whenever I try that, I always wake up the next morning realizing I fell asleep mid-prayer. Sometimes I try praying as I'm walking to class. One thing wrong with that is that it takes about 3 minutes to walk anywhere on campus, so that ends up being a pretty short prayer. Either that, or I end up getting distracted or running into a friend and talking to them.

The past year or so I have come to an awareness of my "A.D.D. prayer life". I realize that it is something that needs to change, but every time I try to change it, it seems that I fail. I came to an understanding tonight though, that this does not just need to change, it is going to change. During this break, and at the Passion conference in a couple weeks, and throughout 2012, I am making a commitment to myself and to God to "pray without ceasing".

"Pray without ceasing."
{1 Thessalonians 5:17}

"Continue steadfastly in prayer..."
{Colossians 4:2}

"I desire then that in every place the men should pray..."
{1 Timothy 2:8}

God does not desire half-hearted, lukewarm people who have no desire to talk to Him, simply doing the bare minimum in order to go to heaven. He desires humble children who passionately seek His face through prayer and reading His Word.



{Passionate}

I have finished my first semester of college. Goodness, how time truly does fly! It seems like yesterday that I was dancing at my studio in LaGrange and going to Starbucks everyday this summer. But time has passed, and I have changed. Some alterations have been beautiful blessings, while others, I am realizing, have been changes to the person that I was, the person that God created me to be, that I have lost. One major thing being passion.

I used to be a passionate person. I still am, I like to believe. But my passion has shifted and squirmed around changing where it is directed. Now, I am passionate about life in general. I like to enjoy everyday, and I almost always do. But I seem to have lost my passion for things that I loved, with all of my heart, before. I have lost my passion for dancing, for people, and for a life lived for Jesus. Now, I haven't LOST IT lost it, I've simply misplaced it for a time. Looking back on this semester, I can so clearly see the dance classes where I did not give everything I had; where I was lazy, and did not try my hardest for the glory of God. I see how I have bypassed relationships with some people that could have been an influence or an encouragement to them. I see the days I fell asleep while praying, simply skimmed through a chapter in the Bible for my Bible time, and was thinking about what I was going to eat for lunch or what I needed to study that day during church.

I see and remember these moments-- these weaknesses and missed opportunities, and I miss my passion. I miss it, and I long, I desire, I YEARN to have it back and claim it as part of myself once again.

{thankful}

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever."

{Psalm 136:1}

   Today is Thanksgiving. A day which a lot of people see as the start of America, or simply just a day to eat a lot of food and not feel bad about it. Thanksgiving, today, is also so often just skimmed over; seen as just a small stepping stone between Halloween and Christmas. But Thanksgiving should be so much more than that, it should be a day that we actually give thanks, not just spend all day in the kitchen or watching football.

   Thanks. What does that word mean, anyway? Webster's 1828 dictionary defines the word as an "expression of gratitude." but what does the Bible say about thanks?

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples!"

{1 Chronicles 16:8}

"And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, 'For He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.' And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord had been laid."

{Ezra 3:11}

"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to His righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."

{Psalm 7:17}

"In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to Your name forever."

{Psalm 44:8}

 "But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers, as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for one another is increasing."

{2 Thessalonians 1:3}

So there is a little bit of what God's Word says about thankfulness...that we are to give thanks to God, specifically because of all He has done for us and because His steadfast love endures forever. Today, in the festivities of Thanksgiving, I have been thinking about all that has changed and all the blessings God has placed in my life this semester, and so many things began filling my mind. 

What am I thankful for?...

Life. I have come to realize that the only reason I stand breathing today is because of Christ. Lately, I have been reading through Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. I'm still in Philippians right now, but Paul hits the nail on the head a lot for me in this book. He really understood that the meaning and purpose of his life was not to pursue and satisfy the desires of his flesh, but to be transformed and seek out the desires of the Spirit.

  "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again. Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ..." {Philippians 1:21-27}

I long so much to live like Paul, or at least to grasp the gravity of my life as he did.

Grace & Patience. Lately, especially being at home for Thanksgiving break, I see my failures oh so clearly. The past few days, I have had the riddle of Romans resounding in my brains. "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." {Romans 7:15-25} Sometimes I am not quite sure how, or why, God deals with me. His unending patience and overflow of extended grace bewilders me, and my mind cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of His love for me, His child, yet a sinner. That always brings to mind a line from my favorite hymn (How Deep the Father's Love for Us), "How deep the Father's love for us/how vast beyond all measure/that He would give His only Son/to make a wretch His treasure"

Family. I understand why God does not allow us to choose for ourselves who our family will be. We would probably choose some semi-normal people, who would provide for us, but ultimately be boring. My family is not, by any means, boring. I love my family...every member. I have a slightly different love and appreciation for each one of them.

   For my dad, I appreciate the sacrifices I know he has had to make in his life to provide for his family. I appreciate the things he has taught me. How he has taught me how to check my car's oil; to spend my money wisely; and every bit of sarcasm that comes out of my mouth, I learned from him.

   For my mom, I appreciate the things she has taught me, and her overwhelming care for me and my siblings. The recipes she has taught me to cook, the clothes she has taught me to wash, and the manners and respect she has taught me to hold.

   For my sister, I appreciate (now) the room we shared for so many years, and the times she yelled at me to clean my room (although I guess it did not stick too much). Also, the lessons and things she taught me about boys and clothes, the chick-flicks we've watched together, and the craziness that she has brought to my life through many nights of dancing and singing in our once-shared room.

   For my brother, he has taught me a lot. A lot of patience, and a lot of fighting, and a lot of love. He will probably never know how much I truly do love him. There have been some trying struggles, and some arguing over pointless things, but he has taught me many life lessons and a lot of things to do (and not to do) in the future.

People. Specific (or Atlantic) people in my life actually. Old ones, as well as new(er) ones. First, the old ones. Three girls who are completely irriplacable in my life. We have shared way too many memories and ridiculous times for even us to remember, but the ones we do remember are pretty amazing memories. These three girls have been with me through ups and downs, and even some sideways moments. They know me better than I know myself; they know when something is wrong, even if I can't admit it, and they know how to make me talk and explain myself, even when I really don't want to do so. I miss them terrible so far away in Jackson, Mississippi, but it will make our times together now so much more sweet.

   New friends. Friends from all over the country (and at least one from another part of the world :) ) each one of them are such blessings to my life and have been little joys in my life all semester long. Some I have gotten closer to than others, some are still merely acquaintences, but each of them means something special to me, and I am beyond thankful that God has placed us all in the Belhaven bubble with each other where we can go through four years of life together.

   One new friend in particular. I still am not completely sure why God brough him to me so quickly in the semester, or what He's doing through our lives, but one thing I do know is all he has taught me, and all that God has shown me through him. Struggles, new experiences, friendship, and a lot of laughter and happiness, lots of joy and growth and maturity.

Little things. If you know me, you know that I take extreme delight in random little things of life. Things like coffee and rainy days, sunflowers and sparkly things, Hello Kitty and little kids, a bible verse or my favorite songs, socks and headbands, ballet and frolicking. The list could really go on for quite a while if I kept going.







What are YOU thankful for this Thanksgiving?



I turned to the Lord in prayer and fasting...

Okay, so it's pretty much been ages since I last wrote on here. A ton has happened in my life and God has been teaching me mass amounts. I barely even know where to begin.

The church I attend here at school, North Ridge, has been doing a twenty day fast. I chose to fast from Facebook and coffee. Those of you who know me are probably in shock from the second one. I pretty much live on coffee, or at least I did. I realized that I had a major dependency on that caffeine and that God commands me to be totally dependent on Him alone. I'm not saying that drinking a cup or two of coffee everyday is a sin, starting tomorrow I'm going to drink it again. However I am saying that for me, this twenty day break from it has truly taught me to depend on God alone for my sole source of joy and energy. The break from Facebook has just helped to minimize distractions. Fasting, I've learned, is not giving up things that are bad, it is simply taking a break from good things that can sometimes take your focus off of Christ, and to use the time that you have to spend with God and to ask Him to teach you things during the time of your fast.

The fast was just what I needed right when I needed it. Some things I learned?
These are some things I wrote in my journal during the fast.

I learned a lot about God's love...

• Jesus defines love
• God says to me, "You can't push Me away" that's something I've been doing all my life, pushing God's love away, and running away from it.
• His steadfast love endures forever (Psalm 132)

I also began going to a Bible study with some friends every Thursday morning at 7am before my 8am class...some things I've looked in there?

• What does a God-centered relationship look like? The fruits of the Spirit...Purity...
• What does it mean to ABIDE in Christ? Resting completely in Him...Nothing else distracting...
• Gods ways are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8)...I need to stop telling God what I want and listen to Him telling me what He wants for me
• Am I being faithful in what God has set before me? (Matthew 25:14-30)

Some amazing events I went to during the fast:

• 4 RUF large group meetings
• A Worship Night on campus
• Secret Church simulcast
• 2 church services
• Take it to the Streets service project, the Methodist Children's Home

This was my first real experience with fasting, and it's been a really good thing for me. God has taught me a lot and I know that He will continue to do so now that my fast is over for now.

College

So, it's been a long while since I posted last. Life has changed tremendously since then, because I started college. I am now a freshman at Belhaven University in Jackson, Mississippi. I moved into my dorm on August 20th, basically two weeks ago. I began classes on the 24th and have now successfully completed a week and a half of classes as a college student. I absolutely love it here. It's incredible to feel like I have been here for months and to feel like I've known my friends forever, when the truth is I've only been here thirteen days and known most of these people less than that. God has been so good. Here's a little bit of what He has been teaching me lately.

"...and when you go, you shall not go empty." {Exodus 3:21 ESV}
Lately, I have been reading through the book of Exodus. I have read it before, and to be completely honest, it was only merely stories to me. But recently, I have begun to look at it with a new perspective, and one huge thing I seen throughout it is how consistent God is to provide. I came to school two weeks ago, knowing only two acquaintances and no one else. Never really having been in a legitimate classroom, never being away from home for more than one month. All throughout Exodus the thing that sticks out the most to me is how often God provides for Moses, Aaron, and the Israelites. When things are uncertain and when Moses was hesitant, God was there, and He provided all that they needed. I am finding the same is true in my life today. Two weeks ago, I didn't really have any friends here; now, God has blessed me with a small group of close, Christian friends, as well as many new acquaintances. I have adjusted to classes just fine, and am loving almost every class I am taking this semester. God doesn't promise that things will always be peachy, but He does promise that we won't have to go through life alone, or empty-handed.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." {2 Peter 1:3 NIV}

"Rejoice in the Lord, for He is good, His steadfast love endures forever." {Psalm 136:1 ESV}
I read this verse at 1:30am this morning in the bathroom hallway, which goes to show that God can teach you things no matter where you are. After waking up for my 9am ballet class, the words of this verse kept resounding through my mind all day today: during pirouettes, taking notes in History & Ideas, discussing the story of Joseph in Literature & Art, taking a walk around campus with a friend, watching choreography in Dance Department meeting, even while I was eating dinner in the cafeteria this evening. Looking at the verse there are three major thing that jump out at me; I see joy, goodness, and love. Being here at Belhaven, I have fallen in love with everything and everyone here. I know there are going to be bad days, and tough days, and days that I am just going to want to forget about altogether, but so far, everyday that I have been here has been beautiful. When I say beautiful, I don't just mean warm and sunny, but also days that I have made new memories, made new friends, made new discoveries, or learned things about myself, God, or both. The middle section of the verse says, "...for He is good..." God is so good, and just in the ways and people and adventures He is brought to me, I have continually been shown His goodness every day. And lastly, His love endures forever. Think about what forever means...it means NEVER ENDING...ever. That is how long God's love lasts; it won't end because of something I think, say, or do. It won't end when the world ends. It won't end EVER...ever. That blows my mind to think of all I have done, said, and thought in my life, and the fact that the Creator, who created me to be holy, who has seen the depths of my sinfulness, and still His love will endure forever.
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His steadfast love endures forever!" {Psalm 118:29 ESV}
Those are two major things God has been showing me within the past two weeks that I have been at school. I am eager to see His will for me life continue to unfold during my time here at Belhaven.

Love, Love, Love

Originally, I was going to retype my notes from church this morning and post them. The message today was on loving one another, and it was very good, don't get me wrong, but then tonight, my best friend and I went and saw the movie "Crazy, Stupid Love" and it really got me thinking. So often as Christians, the Bible, and parents, and pastors are constantly telling us that we are supposed to "love one another", but in order to know how to love, one must know love, and something that helps us know love is knowing what love is not.

The way I see it, there are two views on love: there is the world's view and then there is God's view. God's view came first, after all, He came first. He loved Adam when He created him, and there, in the very beginning was the most perfect, true kind of love, the love of God. Now, over time, as the world progressed and culture progressed, love slowly became twisted into this warped, corrupted view of love which society has today.

The world's view on love is everywhere. Turn on the TV and you'll see The Bachelor, where love is just waiting in a long line of women, who are just there as prizes to be won, played with for a short period of time and discarded. A show where the questions asked are shallow, but good enough to keep audiences interested. Go to a bookstore and pick up the Twilight series, where love is immortal, mysterious, and a little bit on the dangerous side. Go see the latest romantic comedy (Crazy, Stupid Love perhaps?) where love is simply complimenting strings of women only in order to get them into bed; where sex is a common activity between strangers, rather than something cherished between husband and wife.

In C.S. Lewis' book "The Four Loves" (which I still haven't read all of, but plan on finishing at some point in my life), Lewis discusses in each section one of four loves: Affection, Agape, Eros, and Friendship. True love in the marital sense includes all four of these loves, and yet the world has watered down love into Eros (or sexual) love only. To the world, the only purpose of relationships is sex, even some Christians who believe sex is only for marriage, have given into the world's view of love and try to see how far they can go without going "too far".

But love is not about sex at all. Yes, I said it; love if far more than the physical. What is love, then? Well I surely do not claim to know all there is to know about that, but I do know what God says in His Word to be true.

"...God is love." {1 John 4:8}

"And this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome." {1 John 5:3} 

"Let us love one another, for love is from God..." {1 John 4:7}

"...love covers a multitude of sins." {1 Peter 4:8}

"For God gave us a spirit...of love." {2 Timothy 1 :7}

God is love, and God's love is full of goodness and purity. God's kind of love is unending, undeserving, and unconditional. God loves like no man or woman could ever love, and yet, He calls us to love like Him, because His love is perfect. God calls women to love their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. He calls parents to love their children, and children to love and respect their parents. He calls the rich to love the poor, and the poor to love the rich. He calls us not only to love each and every person, but to look on and love each and every person as He sees them and as He loves them.

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." {1 John 3:18}

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." {John 13:34}

Earlier, I mentioned learning what love is by learning what love is not. The best place I have found to see this is in the chapter of love: 1 Corinthians 13.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
{1 Corinthians 13:4-7}

Now re-read those few verses. Instead of saying "love" say your own name. Do you feel like a liar? Convicting, isn't it?

Friday Photos

This time next week, I will be on my way to Jackson, Mississippi, heading to college. I can't believe it's almost here. It seems like I have been talking about it forever and to know it's almost here is exciting...and a little terrifying. But I truly am eagerly looking forward to see God's plan for my life unfold before my eyes.
Here are some more of my picnik edits...

P.S. If you want a picture done, you can contact me via facebook or email { taylor_ellen13@hotmail.com } and send me a picture and words you want on it!



{Goodbyes}

Peter Pan once said, "Never say goodbye. Because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting." But sometimes in life, goodbyes are necessary. For me, right now is one of those times.

I had to say my first goodbye today. Grace, who has been one of my best friends since birth, is leaving early Thursday morning for Asbury University; and her, and another one of our best friends, Ashlee, all had dinner together for one last hurrah before the first of us leaves. It doesn't really feel real yet, that I won't be talking to her nearly everyday, and that we won't see each other again until Thanksgiving break.

I suppose I'm realizing now, that I am growing up, and that Peter Pan can't possibly truly exist. Growing up is an inevitable fact of life, and everyone must go through it eventually. Something that I am so thankful for; something that makes growing up a little easier, and life a little more fun, is having friends with whom to share these events and this growing up.

God has been so good in blessing me with not one, but three of these incredible people I call best friends. There is something very comforting about having these people whom I know so well, and who often times, know me better than I know myself. They are people who have the best shoulders to cry on, if you feel like crying. They give the best advice when you ask for it, or even when you don't want to hear it. They let you know when you're starting to go the wrong way or do the wrong thing. They show you love when others you love don't seem to love you back. They have the best laughs, because, most of the time, they laugh with you.

Though frienships may change throughout the years, they are the relationships that endure change. No matter how far away, no matter how busy individuals are; no matter what you fight about or laugh about, friendships are the things that always provide you with good memories and laughter, or even comfort and security. Though I am eagerly looking forward to the opportunity of making new friends at college in just 11 short days, the friendships I have with these three girls now are some that I know will always be there for me, no matter where God leads us.

So although it may be goodbye for now, it will never be goodbye for good. Goobyes may mean going away, but for me, they will never mean forgetting.    



{Monday Music}

Happy Monday!
This morning I got to babysit two precious little boys, one was three and the other was four, and they were so cute and funny. I love little kids so much, probably because I still am one. They are such a beautiful picture of God's love for us and how He looks upon us as His children. This afternoon I get to go to ballet class, two ballet classes actually, and I could not be looking forward to it more, especially since it has been two weeks since I've danced. I'm continuing to take ballet and contemporary classes at my studio here in LaGrange for the next two weeks until I leave for Belhaven on the 19th. It will definitely be nice to have these last two weeks with the beautiful girls I've danced with all these years. Here's some music for your Monday, just a few songs I've been listening to a lot lately. Enjoy!

Song starts at 3:12



Friday Photos & Life Update

Well, I haven't done a post of my picnik edits lately, and I have done a bunch recently so at the end of this I'll put some on here. I feel so old to actually be able to say that I'm leaving for college in two weeks. COLLEGE. Man, I'm old. It's such a cliche, but it really does feel like yesterday that I was seven years old, and all of a sudden I am eighteen and off to college. Don't get me wrong, I really am so excited to see what all God has planned for me (and I know He has a lot planned for me, check out Jeremiah 29:11!) and it will be so rewarding and incredible just to be able to watch His will for my life start to unfold. I am also looking forward to making a lot of new friends. I adore my friends I have now, but I have been friends with the same girls for the past eighteen years, so it will be really new and interesting to be able to become close friends with a new group of people (while keeping the old, amazing ones, of course). One thing I am most excited about, though, is getting to dance with new girls, and learn from new teachers, and work with new choreographers. I feel like this will be a really fun step closer to my future as a dancer, and I cannot wait to get started with it! One thing I am a little nervous about is academics, and just adjusting to real school. I have been homeschooled since kindergarten, and so this will be a HUGE adjustment to go from only me at home, really teaching myself for the most part, to going to a campus with others students, with an actual teacher teaching me and assigning me homework that I have to get done by a certain date. It's all so different than what I have become used to over the years, but I have faith that after a while it will become the new "normal" for me. There's a little life update from me. I move into my dorm in exactly two weeks from tomorrow, which will be August 20th. I can't wait!

Here are the picnik photos I promised...
P.S. If you want a picture done, you can contact me via facebook or email { taylor_ellen13@hotmail.com } and send me a picture and words you want on it!

One of my favorite verses...and this picture is such a great reminder

for me that everything, especially my dancing, is to bring God glory,

not myself.

Frank Sinatra song + ballet = the perfect mix

I'm definitely feeling the truth of this statement right now in my life!



Your Will Be Done

You know the phrase, "When life gives you lemons..." The thing is, however, that it's not life that gives the lemons, but God, and God sometimes like to throw us a curve ball.

As humans, we like to be able to control the things around us (one reason why a lot of marriages fail, I believe, but that's another blog post for another time), but you see, God likes to have control even more than we do, but the thing is, that He is all powerful, so unlike when we are in control, when He controls things, it works. But we don't like to give Him control, and we don't like to be without a plan, feeling helpless. So what we do is we like to plan every little detail out, leaving no room for His will at all.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He has a plan for you. No matter how old you are, no matter where you are in life, He has a perfect plan. He has every detail of your life planned out perfectly, it's when we take control ourselves that things start to go wrong. When we take control bad things happen, messes are made, people are broken. But there's something great...God likes to take our messes, our bad situations, and our brokenness and turn them into something beautiful. Yes, that's right, I said beautiful.

Take Mary for example. There she is, minding her own business when one day, out of the blue, an angel appears to her, telling her that she's with child, and that the child she's carrying is going to be the long awaited Savior and Messiah that her people have been expecting for hundreds of years. But that wasn't in her plans! Her plan was to marry Joseph, the carpenter, and have a few children down the road maybe once she got out of her teens, and live a nice life with him. But God threw her a curve ball...He gave her some lemons. She must have initially thought that her world was coming to an end. What were her parents going to say about this baby? Joseph would surely break off the engagement! But God had even that taken care of, and what beautiful things came out of her confusing, seemingly hopeless situation!

Think about Abraham. Here he is, over one hundred years old at this point, God had been faithful in providing him and Sarah, even in their old age, with the promised son, Isaac. Isaac was to be the beginning of generations of offspring for Abraham, and then, all of a sudden, God tells Abraham to sacrifice this promised son. Abraham must have been nearly out of his mind! I can imagine Him after God told him this, "Sacrifice?! You mean...KILL my son? The one YOU promised and provided for me? You have GOT to be kidding, God." But God was not kidding, He was dead serious (no pun intended...well, maybe a little was intended), and He wanted to see how Abraham would respond. God threw Abraham some lemons.

What about Ruth? Here she is, recently married with no children, and then all of a sudden, her husband, along with her brother-in-law and father-in-law are dead. The only family she has is her sister-in-law, Orpah, and her mother-in-law, Naomi. What on earth is she supposed to do? She has nowhere to go, no one to turn to. God tells her to remain with Naomi and He provided everything for the two women, and He had a plan all the way to the end, even in bringing Ruth to Boaz.

So really, it isn't about the lemons  or why they've been thrown. It's about what you do with them. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Making lemonade means to surrender yourself and your plans to the Lord and to learn to have complete and total faith in Him, the one who threw the lemons. No matter what things are happening in your life, know that God has a perfect plan for you and whatever the situation is. He can make something beautiful out of anything.

"Going a little farther, He fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.' "
{Matthew 26:39}

{Prodigal} Word Wednesday

Luke 15:11-24 (ESV)


"And He said, 'There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, "Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me." And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

But when he came to himself, he said, "How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.' " And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his servants, "Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found." And they began to celebrate.' "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNz5ejUEsKY&feature=autoplay&list=PL0731AEAA7945E0AC&index=13&playnext=6&shuffle=354213

{Consumed}

So I have pretty much failed at blogging lately...and I was doing so well. This week I have been wasting a lot of time watching TV, which flipping endlessly through channel after channel I realize is about 99% trash. One show that intrigued me tonight though, was this show on TLC called "My Strange Addiction". You may have seen it, or maybe not, but it follows people who are addicted to things, but not your typical drug or cigarette addiction. On the couple of episodes I watched, it covered everything from a woman addicted to eating couch cushions to a middle-aged woman who wore way too much makeup 24 hours a day, even to sleep in. It was ridiculous. One thing however that they all had in common was that their addictions, whatever they were, had grown so intense that they were consuming their lives. Think about that word: consume. What does that mean? According to dictionary.com it means to destroy or to exhaust.

When it comes to my relationship with God, I feel as though lately I have been in a rut. I'm simply lacking a desire to spend time with Him and lacking that passion within me, the one that is supposed to be on fire for Him and His kingdom. No matter how much I have tried, I see that all my "trying" has been weak. My efforts have failed because I have barely put in effort into it at all. What does all that have to do with "My Strange Addiction" and the word consume? Everything...at least for this blog post.

I leave for college in approximately 5 weeks. I am going to a school where I know no one and have all the opportunities in the world to be a witness to EVERYONE I meet, because everyone I come in contact with will be brand new to me, and my first impression can be Christ. Yet, how am I supposed to do that? Well, that brings us back to the whole "consume" thing. As I watched that show, I saw how their addictions were overtaking their lives, and I remembered that verse that says "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire..." {Deuteronomy 4:24} Just as an addiction can consume a person's life, God can consume it as well. I don't know about you, but I definitely want to be addicted to Christ and have my life be consumed by Him.

But let's go back to that dictionary definition: destroy and exhaust? Yep.

Destroy. Thinking of God destroying your life doesn't sound very promising, but if you think about it, it does indeed. If one is consumed by Christ, He will destroy your worldly life and bring you to a point of concern for your spiritual life. Now, that IS a good thing!

Exhaust. The word exhaust just makes me want to go take a long nap. But really exhaust means that all energy and effort is completely used up. The word exhaust applies in two ways in this situation. The first is that if you are consumed by Christ, all your energy and effort will be used up on serving the Lord and not serving your selfish desires. The second is that all of Satan's energy and effort in tempting you will be used up in vain , because if you are truly consumer by Christ, you will no longer want to go aroudnd sinning.


Starting right now, I am going to start putting so much more effort into my relationship with Christ in order that He might consume my life and set my passion for Him ablaze once again.

Monday Music

It's been a while since I have had a music post, and lately I have been on youtube everyday discovering some awesome music. Here is what I've found or been obsessed with lately.
-taye

Been OBSESSED with this one

With a lot of searching, I have a found a few not-so-heard-of songs by my favorite band Mumford and Sons, this one was my favorite.

During my boredom this weekend, I started playing around with some choreography to The Frames' song "Falling Slowly" and so I looked up some other stuff by the band, this one is great!



That Girl

I don't know if it's just the fact that it's summer and I haven't had much to do this week, or if it's just getting ready for college, but lately I have been doing a lot of "reflecting" on my life so to speak, which leads to a lot of random blog posts from me. But anyway, here's something I've been thinking about today and pretty much all week I guess.
-taye

The Only Thing That's Good In Me Is JESUS

I am an encourager; that is one of my spiritual gifts. There is nothing like that joy I get from sending a Bible verse to a friend who needs it, or asking people how I can be praying for them. Ever since the end of my freshman year in high school, I decided that I was going to stop trying to fit in with the world and start living for Christ.

At our senior dinner at dance this year, the company girls all signed a picture frame for each of the seniors, as well as wrote a note to each of us, simply wishing us well as we move on to the college phase of our lives, and just what we have meant to them as dancers and as people in the years we have danced together. I nearly teared up when reading all of mine, and a couple of days ago, I went back and was reading some of the things people wrote to me. A couple of things that popped up included "Christians girl", "great role model" and "wonderful example". Now those are great things to be, and I feel honored that those girls said those things about me, but looking at myself from my point of view, I am not so sure that I would use those terms quite so passionately to describe myself.

I have had the privilege over this past year to be sort of a mentor to a 7th grade girl who dances at my studio, as well as goes to my church. At the end of the school year she wrote me a note. The note made me cry, because as well as me being an encouragement to her, she has been such an encouragement to me as well. But, there was one line in the note that said "every morning I wake up and ask myself how I can be more like you." More like ME?! I wanted to look her in the eyes and ask her if she was looking at the same girl that I was.

I am not a bad person compared to the world's standards. But being a Christian is not about not being a bad person. God calls us to be holy and perfect, just as He is holy and perfect. I am so F A R from perfect it is not even funny. To be quite honest, I struggle so much every single day just to keep at the front of my mind that I am supposed to be living for Christ and not giving in to my selfishness. As much as I hate to admit, most of the time I give in to my selfishness. I struggle every single day to fully know with all of my being that God is the only thing I need. Everything else comes second. Yet, I still struggle and fight with the thoughts that maybe if I had the perfect ballerina body or maybe if I was dating that guy I have liked for months now that just maybe then I could be happier. But I have to keep telling myself "no". One thing I really hate to admit is that so many times when I have asked friends every week how I can pray for them, I never get around to actually praying for them. Sometimes I have even lied and said I have been praying for them when I haven't.

All these things are just a few things I struggle and fight with every single day, and things I fail at every single day, and yet there are SO MANY MORE things just like them that I struggle with as well. It seems that no matter how many times I ask God's forgiveness and no matter how many times I tell Him that it will be different, I simply cannot be holy due to my sinful nature.

The thing that gives me hope though, is the knowledge that my God is making me new everyday, and that He does still forgive me after all my failures and mistakes. That He still loves me unconditionally, in spite of the fact that I cannot be perfect, though I will continue to try because He calls me to.

"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

{Matthew 5:48}

The Best Part Of Waking Up

This morning, as I was pouring my coffee, that cheesy little jingle came into my head:

"The best part of  waking up is Folgers in a cup"

You know how it goes. It got me thinking what, to me, is the best part of waking up? Why is it that I get out of bed every morning to face the day before me? So I just starting thinking of some things in my head, and I promise you, I don't think I've ever written a legit poem in my life until now, but here it is.
-taye

The best part of waking up isn’t Folgers in a cup,

It’s knowing my God reigns and that He will never change,

That He has the power to conquer my foes,

And that He has the knowledge of days no one knows.

I know that He holds all my times in His hand,

And in the other He holds the whole world as it spins.

Day after day I am certain to fail,

Yet He holds forgiveness for all of my sins.

When I seek Him, His face I will surely find,

When I seek with all my heart, all my strength, and my mind.

On the cross He did bear all my sin and God’s wrath,

And then darkness came and covered the earth,

Yet darkness cannot keep Him and death has no hold,

For salvation and life shall follow Him home.

Though struggles I face and may be hated by all,

He gives me a promise, an eternal reward.

The earth on which I stand is not my home,

To the end I will endure, until I worship at the throne.



Wait

I let frustration and emotions build up over time, and sometimes I just need to let them out. This is one of those times.
-taye

As You Wait

I have found myself telling the kids I babysit that you cannot always get what you want, that sometimes there has to be a compromise for the good of everyone. Also, something that I see God trying to teach me lately is patience. Throughout the Bible, patience is an important attribute, after all, it is one of nine fruits of the Spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
{Galatians 5:22-23}

So what is patience? For me, I am realizing that patience is not just simply waiting around doing nothing. Patience is actively, eagerly preparing and awaiting something. In some situations, I seem to possess an unending band of patience, and yet in others, I so consistently find myself itching with impatience. All I can really do in those times is pray. Pray for strength, understanding, and patience.

Lord, please give me patience in the times that are hard

In ways only You comprehend, grant me understanding

There are times again and again that I cannot perceive

In all these times, Lord, help me to see