{Let Me Be A Woman}

There is so much I can say on this subject, I hardly even know where to begin. For the past year or so, on and off, I have been making my way through a book by the amazing Elisabeth Elliot called Let Me Be A Woman. In it, Elisabeth Elliot writes letters to her engaged daughter giving her bits of advice and encouragement about what it means to be a godly wife, and more importantly a godly woman, as she approaches marriage. The thought of being a woman makes me think about divine design. Clearly God created men and women differently, and in a different order. Man came first that he might lead and initiate; woman came second that she might help and submit. But what does being a woman really mean?

1. Tenderness.
There is something so tender, soft, and fragile about femininity that is a large part of what makes a woman such a beautiful creature. There is a quote by Zooey Deschanel:

Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually "shhhh-ed".

Too sensitive; too mushy; too wishy-washy. Blah, blah. Don't let someone steal

your tenderness. Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly

vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to be

truly affected by things. Whether it's a song, a stranger, a mountain, a raindrop, a tea

kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all-- look around you. All of this is for you.

Take it and have gratitude, feel it and give love. 

I believe the softness and tenderness can be wrapped up in a word I used a moment ago: femininity.

What does that mean, exactly? Femininity is being feminine; it is the essence of what a woman is: her spirit, her personality, her fire, her mystique, the beauty which only a woman can possess. This femininity, I believe, is what Peter is talking about in 1 Peter when he refers to a "gentle and quiet spirit..."

"Do not let your adorning be external-- the braiding of hair and putting on

of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden 

person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which

in God's sight is very precious."

[1 Peter 3:3-4, ESV]

I used to have an issue with this passage before I really understood what it meant. I can sometimes have a loud personality and be very opinionated, but in moderation, those qualities are what make me me. But what I really see that it means is to simply be a woman. Not the kind of woman that society says is feminine, but the kind of woman that is precious in God's sight. Speak when you need to speak, hold your tongue when necessary, be tender, be delighted in little things like tea kettles and flowers, for that is what you were created to do. There's a quote I've seen floating around pinterest lately, yet I have no idea who originally said it:

If more females would sit down and be ladies, then maybe more males would

stand up and be gentlemen.

Women today are viewed as a commodity (something that is used as much as possible, tossed out, and replaced). Yet, in Ephesians 5, God commands husbands to cherish their wives as their own bodies. The night before I left school to come home for the summer, I went to the movies on a Friday night, which I don't ever suggest because the theater is packed with middle-schoolers on "dates" their parents drop them off for. I saw so many girls- probably in their early teenage years, dressed like they thought they were twenty-one years old in a bar or something. Men treat women like they're something to be used and discarded, because women have bought into the lie that they are.

Lastly, some verses that have really encouraged me lately have been those that my boyfriend has sent me from Proverbs 31...we all know it, the "Proverbs 31 Woman" that we as godly women should be striving to duplicate in our personal lives:

 An excellent wife who can find?

    She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
¹⁴ She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She dresses herself^[e] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰ She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.^[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

[Proverbs 31:10-31, ESV]

I really want to emphasize verse 12. "All the days of her life" means before she knew him, while they are dating, when they're engaged, and when they get married. No matter which stage of that you're currently in, make sure that you're living like a lady of God, and that you are doing your husband good, and not harm, whether you know who he is or not. Go forth in your femininity and act with a gentle and quiet spirit.



 

{Blessings}

Today is one of those days that has its own simple beauty to it. The sun is shining, I'm already on my second cup of coffee, and there is so much to simply be thankful for. Today has gotten me thinking of how blessed I truly am. It also has made me think of the blessings I am most thankful for, so I thought I'd make a list:

{Sunshine}
I think about the day that God created the sun. What a beautiful, magnificent burst of light and joy it must have been to have the very first sunshine ever created. I think of the mornings when the sunrise was all I needed to see to be happy, the mornings that the sunrise added to my pre-existing joy. I also think of the sunsets that have painted the sky as a reminder of God's beauty.

{Coffee}
Whoever discovered the coffee bean, I love you. I'm so thankful that God decided to create a bean full of so much potential and deliciousness.

{Family}
I don't know what I would do without my family. I love them so much. I know that they are always there for me if I do ever decide to talk about anything (which is rare, I'm more of a listener). I know they will always support me in the good times and encourage me in the difficult ones. My dad has worked so hard for years to provide financially for my family, and I know that he loves me more than anything, and that I can always ask him for help no matter the situation. My mom loves me more than I will ever know, although, I seem to forget that so often. She provides so much for that I don't even realize. My sister is always up for a good time. She makes me laugh and she's always good for a sleepover, or a back massage (which means me giving her a back massage). My brother has taught me so much, not always in the most convenient way, but I have learned a lot of what to do and what not to do through him. But mostly I know that despite everything, he loves me, and he really cares for me a lot. I'm so thankful for the crazy memories they've given, especially at holidays, but more than anything I'll love them forever.

 {Friends}
I'm so thankful for my best friends. I'm thankful for the old and new memories with my three best friends from birth, but also for my two closest girl friends at school. For the ridiculous sleepovers, late night deep discussions about boys, and coffee dates complete with strange coffee shop music. I know that I can trust these girls with my whole heart if I need to, and they are always good for a laugh, of course. But most of all they've been an encouragement to me in my struggles, and supports for me in my joys. "A friend loves at all times" (Proverbs 17:17)

Haley, Grace, and Ashlee, whom I've known since I was born, basically.

Julianna and Sarah, my two closest girl friends at school.

{My Best-est Friend}
Perhaps what I'm most thankful for at the moment is the boy who has been such a huge blessing since I met him 10 months ago on that first day at college. God has used him in so many ways, it's really hard to think about all the things I've learned through my relationship with him. The main thing perhaps, is learning what it really means to love another person, to put yourself aside, and think about someone else's happiness before your own. To have someone you always need to be there for and to encourage, but also to always have that other person to be there for you and to encourage you. To have someone to spend your free time with and who will always be praying for you, even when you don't ask them to. But I've also learned just how hard it is to do all of those things. But I've been so blessed by the huge amount of joy it gives in the times when you both succeed at being there for the other.

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another."

[John 1:16, NIV]

{Help My Unbelief!}

^"14 And when they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and scribes arguing with them. ¹⁵ And immediately all the crowd, when they saw Him, were greatly amazed and ran up to Him and greeted Him. ¹⁶ And He asked them, 'What are you arguing about with them?' ¹⁷ And someone from the crowd answered Him, 'Teacher, I brought my son to You, for he has a spirit that makes him mute. ¹⁸ And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked Your disciples to cast it out, and they were not able.' ¹⁹ And He answered them, 'O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.' ²⁰ And they brought the boy to Him. And when the spirit saw Him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. ²¹ And Jesus asked his father, 'How long has this been happening to him?' And he said, 'From childhood. ²² And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.' ²³ And Jesus said to him,   '‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.' ²⁴ Immediately the father of the child cried out^[d] and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!' ²⁵ And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it,   'You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.' ²⁶ And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, 'He is dead.' ²⁷ But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. ²⁸ And when He had entered the house, His disciples asked Him privately, 'Why could we not cast it out?' ²⁹ And He said to them, 'This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.'”

^{[Mark 9:14-29, ESV]}

Have you ever been in that place where you desperately want to believe that what you know to be true is really true? It's like you know in your head that it's true, but you're having a hard time knowing it to be true in your heart and soul? That's where I have been so often lately. When I have a lot of time on my hands, I tend to think...a lot. In fact, this almost always leads to over-thinking everything in my life. Yet it's happening again. Being home for the whole month of June with not a whole lot to do, I think... all the time, about EVERYTHING. This time, I've been thinking a lot about the future. I am now considered a sophomore in college, and I've begun to dream about what life will be like fast forwarded three years from now. I will have graduated college with a BFA in dance. I will have the rest of my life in front of me with nothing to do but...life. Real life. I saw a quote once by someone unknown that explained my feelings about the future perfectly: "The idea of the future both fascinates and frightens me at the same time." This thought is so true, especially for me. I always love to think into the future and dream about, well, things I've wanted since I was a little girl: being a ballerina, getting married, little children all my own, puppies, cooking in my own little kitchen, my own apartment and eventually my own house with my own little family living happily ever after. (Don't think I've forgotten that life comes with struggles galore, but just go with me there for a minute). The dreaming part is all fine and dandy, it's when I start trying to figure out HOW all of that is going to come about in my real life is when I start freaking out a little. Somehow, in that moment when I start trying to figure everything out, my solid faith goes running off into the sunset without me. When I start trying to figure things out that aren't really mine to figure out to the tee is when I lose faith. I start stressing out over how I'm going to graduate in just four years when I think about all the classes I still have to take. When I think of how much money it really takes to get married, rent an apartment or buy a house, have kids, and still have money to buy coffee, I start losing faith that I'll ever have any money to do any of those things, or either I imagine being poor for the rest of my life. It's right about now that I start losing my mind again and wishing so desperately that Peter Pan was real and could just sweep me off away to Neverland to never have to worry about grownup things again. This lack of faith is just another fault of mine I've come to know well in the past year or so. Yet, there is hope! There is hope in the assurance that "If we are faithless, He remains faithful..." [2 Timothy 2:13, ESV] Praise the Lord that He does not abandon us as often as we abandon our faith in Him. He still provides, cares, loves, protects, and holds us even we when are in our moments of unbelief.



{God's Resting Place}

I just got back from one of my absolute favorite places in the world: Camp Marannook. It's a little Christian summer camp in the middle of nowhere Lafayette, Alabama. From the outside, it looks like your typical Christian camp- activities, cabins, trails, bible time, and campfires, but if you look a little closer, or if you've ever been, you'll see that Marannook is so much more than just another Christian summer camp, it truly is what its name means: God's resting place. God literally has His hands surrounding Marannook, the buildings, and people there. I have so many friendships that have lasted for years because they were based on a mutual belief and love for the God who created the entire earth and things living on it. So I just want to jot down some of what God has taught me over the past two weeks of me being there.

1. Refreshment.
College has been great. Classes have gone well, I love my major, and I have good grades. But as a dance major, I have to take at least 18-20 hours per semester to fit everything in within 4 years. Last semester (the semester of 20 hours), I confess to not having made enough time to spend with God, resulting in my relationship with Him suffering. Last semester you could say, I went through a "dry period" in my relationship with God. Being at Marannook for two weeks, separating myself from the rest of the world, and taking many distractions away for a while really helped me to see the reality of where my relationship with Him was and where it should be. He refreshed my spirit and renewed my desire for Him.

2. Reminders.
The Lord gave me gentle reminders of areas of my life that I had been lacking lately. Godly relationships was one of them. When I left school at the end of April (one month ago) I was so ready for some alone time, that I almost became a hermit once I got home. Don't misunderstand me, alone time is a good and very necessary thing, but so are godly relationships. God created us to be relational beings, to interact with other people just like us and to be "mutually encouraged by each other's faith," as it says in Romans 1:12. I had forgotten how important that really is, especially for my personality. I thrive off of relationships with others and it's super important for my growth in the Lord to be in contact and conversation with other Christians who will encourage me with their own faith.
Another aspect of my life that I had been lacking in lately was that of studying scripture. I so often forget that it's not enough to simply read God's word, but to also study it and make a effort to apply it to my daily life, actions, and thoughts. Having Bible Study with Mr. Charles (the owner of the camp) really reminded me of how important it is to really be IN the Word of God.

3. Rebuke.
Oh goodness, how the Lord rebuked and convicted me in so many ways. The main way is just showing me how terrible of a sinner I am. I am not as good as so often like to think that I am, and I am definitely no where near as good as I would need to be if salvation were not by faith and grace, but by works instead. I am a wretched sinner who desperately needs the forgiveness of God, yet does not deserve a moment of His time, much less the love of He who created me. Another aspect if that of judgment. I don't think I have ever admitted this to anyone, but I am a huge judger (although, I'm not sure that "judger" is even a word, I'm pretty sure it would just be judge). I do it unintentionally when I meet, or even see someone. I judge them. I could blame it on the human nature within me, but that's just an excuse to not live as God has called me to live, and He has called me to not judge others, especially His children. I'm not saying you have to become every person's best friend, but if you take the time and effort to get to know a person without judgment, you can really see them for who God created them to be, and you can see their struggles to see how you're not alone in anything.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my summer full of working, dancing, and visiting friends to see what else God has in store to teach and show me about Himself.

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called." [Ephesians 4:1, ESV]

{Live Light}

At church this morning, pastor Adam Camp's messgae really spoke to me. I've been home from school for a week now. In a way, I really enjoy it. No school, no studying, no classes. But in another way it's strange. I had forgotten what it was like to be outside the "Belhaven bubble" of Christianity surrounding you at all times. In the classroom, in the studio, in the hallways, and in nearly every person you see. I've found myself getting very easily frustrated with people and society that doesn't point to Christ.

In America we have so much. We have houses that shelter us, and we have money to educate us. Most people in America are literate and have shoes to cover their feet as they walk. We have umbrellas to cover us when it's raining and we have the privilege of knowing the name of Christ. Most people outside of America around the world don't have any of these things. About half of the world has never even HEARD the name Jesus before, and yet if I went to every neighborhood in town and asked if people had at least heard the name Jesus probably everyone would have heard of Him before, even if they didn't believe.

"How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? ¹⁵ And how are they to preach unless they are sent?"
[Romans 10:14-15a, ESV]

Here are all of these people in the world who have never heard the name of Christ, and here we are in America calling ourselves Christians, yet all we want to do is send a check or pray for those who do go. Why don't we go ourselves? I'm not saying that every Christian has to move to a foreign country and become a missionary for a living. If that happened there would be no Christians left to be light for those in America. However, I feel that it is our part as Christians to make an effort at least once to help our brothers and sisters in other countries and/or to be the light to those in the darkness in other countries. I've never had the opportunity to go on a mission trip to another country. I really hope to soon though, today I'm starting to pray that God provide an opportunity and funds for one maybe next summer.

But we are also called to be witness to those around us all the time here in our own country. Though most people here have at least heard the name of Christ, a majority still don't BELIEVE. It's our job as we have been called by God to live and preach the gospel to these people as well. Many people here have gotten a false impression of Christianity by televangelists and holier-than-thou hypocrites within the church. Let's go out and be a true interpretation of what God says a Christian should live like in His word to the world around us.

"...As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!"
[Romans 10:15b, ESV]

{Bumfuzzlement}

There are some moments (well, a lot of moments) that I become completely bumfuzzled about something that God shows me. Today was one of those days. I was reading in 1 Peter and I came across verse 8 in chapter 1.

"Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory."

At first, that verse did not really make me think twice. There are similar phrases to that in other passages throughout scripture:

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." [1 John 4:12, ESV]

"...For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." [1 John 4:20, ESV]

However, I thought about it for a few minutes and my thoughts began to jumble. The majority of the world, myself included, thinks of the physical stuff when they think of love. Yes, they might think of good conversation, plenty of laughter, or someone who thinks similarly, but ultimately the physical crosses the mind. A long hug, holding hands, kissing, and sex. It's natural, and it's part of what earthly love and the relationship of marriage means, but God never mentions the physical in regards to His loving us. In fact there are several verses, as I've pointed out, that remind us that we cannot even see God, much less touch Him. The only physical act of love that Christ did for us what His death on the cross. Yet in regards to the physical between human beings there is a ton in the Bible. Hosea, Song of Solomon, Paul's talk about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, and there are a number more. Sexual immorality is discussed as a major sin throughout the New Testament, and it is surely a major sin today as well. Why then, if God knew that it was going to be such a temptation and means of sinfulness did He create the physical aspect of love for us as humans? God is perfect love and we do not have that means of physical contact with Him. Why then do we have it in our earthly love relationships? I do not have the answer. That is why my thoughts are so jumbled. It hit me as one of those things I will never truly understand until I see God face to face.

{Alive in Christ}

Exactly one year ago, I attended a Christian conference in Atlanta called Passion. It was an extremely eye-opening experience for me and God showed me a lot in four days that I will never forget. So here I am once again, January, the beginning of the new year of 2012, and I just got home yesterday from this same conference. It was once again life-changing, and I want to tell you all a little bit {but knowing me it will probably turn into a lot} about my experience this year, and what God showed me these past four days in Atlanta at the Georgia Dome with 45,000 other college students.


First, before I start telling you what happened the past four days, let me tell you what occured the days preceeding Passion. Lately, I have been asking God a lot to show me what love truly is. Last year at Passion I really felt the complete love of Christ in my heart, but there's a difference between feeling something and knowing it. I wanted to know it. I had also been asking God to do some major work within my heart, I didn't really know what specifically that would intell, but I knew something needed to be done. I feel as though this summer and first semester at school I had lost some of the passion that I had previously in my life. I felt just a little dry, and in need of some major refreshment from Christ in my heart and soul and life.


1. I realized how weak my worship has been. God is powerful, sovereign, almighty, and His strength, compassion, forgiveness and love NEVER run out, and yet I barely give Him the time of day when it comes to worshiping Him for all His goodness and faithfulness and love. Most importantly, He brought me back to life when I was dead in my sin. The most reasonable response to that would be to give Him my life that He raised, and yet I've been doing a lazy job of trying to do what's expected of me as a Christian, not always with the heart that should be its motivation. As I stood there during worship the first night of Passion, I truly began to worship Him with all of my heart, letting go of everything else that existed but Him. It was then that He showed me, "This is what you're missing as My follower, as My daughter. You don't give me your all everyday." That began a grueling, necessary, conviction process for the week.


2. There's a line in the song "How He Loves" that says, "Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart beats violently inside of my chest." I've always wanted to be so in love with Jesus that my heartbeat speeds up and I get butterflies when I spend time with Him. It happened. I finally felt what it feels like to be really in love with Jesus. I can't remember what song I was singing, who was speaking, or what day it was, but I fell in love with Jesus this week, and it's never going to fade away. God showed me that love isn't found in a marriage or in a feeling inside of you. Those are simply ways that God expresses His love for us and gives us a picture through those things of what His love looks like. Love is innocence and perfection dying on a cross for my filth. Love is forgetting that the world thinks He's insane in order that He may raise me back to life while I was completely dead in my sin. Love is that even when I fail, and do things that break His heart, He chooses to love me anyway. Love isn't a picture of a heart drawn by a little kid, or a piece on candy someone gives you on February 14th. Love is Christ crucified for the sins of the world and for the glory of God.


3. Actions speak louder than words. I've been using that phrase as an excuse to keep quiet about God my entire life. Using that as an excuse to simply listen to others when the topic of God came up in conversation, even though I had a ton floating around in my mind I could have said. I've used it as an excuse that my "living out the gospel" instead of speaking it would work just as fine to fulfill the Great Commission. God gave me a holy slap in the face this week. The Great Commission is not about going and hoping that your good deeds will shine brightly enough that people will know exactly why you act that way without any words being involved. The Great Commission is about going and making disciples. Romans 10:14 says,

 "...how are the to believe in whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?"

 The answer is that they can't. God calls us as Christians to PREACH the gospel, not only to live it. The preaching and the living have to go together, and it won't be effective with only one or the other. 


4. As Lecrae was rapping in worship on Wednesday night, he mentioned Romans 1:16,

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel..."

 With a broken heart I realized that every time

     "God doesn't call us as Christians to live comfortably, but to step out in faith everyday to do things for HIS KINGDOM and for HIS GOSPEL that are OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE. Our lives should be used for HIS GLORY, not our comfort."

I made a list of New Year's resolutions, they're all good and I plan on working on them. But now I have a life resolution: that I will fearlessly proclaim the gospel through my life in EVERYTHING I SAY and DO. That the only life people see when they look at me is Jesus, and that my life will bring glory to the name of Jesus. Elisabeth Elliot summed it up best in this quote: "I have one desire now- to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it."

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for You; Your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts."

{Isaiah 26:8}

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